Thursday, December 16, 2010

Secret Santa Traumas

What. Am. I. Going. To. Do.

   I'm absent for two days -- just two days -- and I come back to school to find the world completely messed up, everyone sucked into a blackhole, and all the teachers playing banjos with overalls on.

   Okay, no. That did not happen. But what happened was worse.

   While I was sick and absent, the class randomly picked new names for Secret Santa, because my homeroom teacher decided that we were sharing with each other who we had too much.

    So when I get back to school, the girl in charge of Secret Santa (Lydia) confronts me and says, "You need to pick a new Secret Santa."

    "Um...I don't want to pick a new Secret Santa."

    We're kind of glaring at each other, cause well. She hates me. I didn't start it! She hates that I'm the smartest in the class, and I hear that she has a list on her computer of people she must beat academically before we graduate. And I'm #1 on the list. Goodness...

     Anyway. That's a different story. Back to Secret Santa.

    "Er...I already have a Secret Santa." And I'm completely happy with who it is.

    "Well, we changed it while you were gone, so now you have to pick a new one."
    At this point, I was not in the mood to argue with her, so I just picked one. There were only six names left, and before I even read it, I knew Lydia had saved the worst of the lot for me.

     I opened it up. Marcus.

     Oh, great. That kid who sits behind me who I barely know. Nice.

     "Okay, can I please have a girl? Please? Like, I have no idea what I'm supposed to get Marcus."

     Lydia looked through the names. "The only girls left are me and you."

     AHA! I bet she made sure that no one recieved my name so that I'd end up with no gift for Secret Santa. AHA, Lydia, AHA! I've got you all figured out.

     I sighed. "You sure?"

     My friend Zaynab saved me right there. Well...for the moment.

     "Eeshie, come here." I went over, hoping she had a solution to my problem, as she had been watching the whole thing.

     "Okay, you don't like who you have for Secret Santa, right?"

     "And I don't like who has me for Secret Santa."

    I looked at her. "Who has you?"

    She have me an irritated look before spitting out, "Marvin."

    Whoa. Marvin immediately popped into my mind, one of the acne-ridden, lonely boys in my class without much friends, usually seated in the back of the room by himself. Poor kid.

     "Oh. So what are we going to do?"

     Zaynab had apparently planned the whole thing out, and actually gave me a detailed diagram of what was going to happen.

      "Okay. You go over to Marvin and ask him who he has for Secret Santa. Just pretend you don't know. Then tell him that you have Marcus after he tells you he has me. Then suggest that you two swtich, since then you'll have me and he'll have a boy. He'll be happy."

      "That's genius!"

      "Wait, I'm not done yet. Anika (our other friend) had me before. Do you mind switching with Anika after switching with Marvin? Anika has Darla."

      "No, of course I don't mind!" And I really didn't. I knew exactly what to get Darla.

      It was a beautiful plan, one that put me in a wonderful mood for the rest of the day. I was planning to switch with Marvin during p.m. homeroom, and then Anika and I'd be switching the next day. Everything was going to go swell...everything was just dandy...

      It's just too bad that nothing works out the way you want it to.

      P.M. Homeroom. I casually walk over to Marvin, preparing to small-talk with him.

      "Hey, Marvin, what's up?" I say. Then I face him quickly, "Who do you have for Secret Santa?!"

     "Uh, Zaynab."

     "Oh what a surprise me and Zaynab are really great friends in fact I know exactly what Zaynab wants as a gift i have marcus by the way i don't know what to get him HEY WANNA SWITCH?!?!"

     He was a little taken aback. "Uh. No, thanks."

     Yes! HOLY CRAP did he say no?

     "Wait. What?" I said, hyperventilating. "No?"

     "I don't want to switch."

    "But-but I have Marcus! He's a boy! You'll know what to get him! And I know exactly what Zaynab wants!"
     "No, thanks. I want to keep Zaynab."


     After telling Zaynab this, she got very scared and now we are both wondering why the heck he would want to keep her. *Sigh* Why, Marvin, why? Why must you be the number one creeper of the world?


     Anyway. The point of this entire post was basically saying that I need help. What does a boy want that's under $10-15? (I am not busting my chops over Marcus)

     I am very, very, very extremely desperate.


  1. well, you could just wrap me in a box and let him have my awesomeness for 6 hours but i dont come cheap...5$ an hour...and phil will come too....then again....he might not want to hear me talk about ninja turtles and pokemon for 6 hours...luckkyy for u i have 3 brothers so i am pretty good at getting gifts for gotta figure out what he likes, does he play any sports? oh and worse case senario you could just get him chocolate...everyone loves chocolate...

  2. I would have given most anything to see my teachers in overalls happily strumming banjos. Legit.

  3. To Salena:
    a) How would you breathe if I put you in a box??? Oh that's right, you're part mermaid. Hm

    b) If I knew what he liked, then I wouldn't be having a problem lol

    c) I think I've got it covered. He likes Aeropostale, so my friend is buying a shirt for him, and then she'll give it to me to give to him. So that it looks like I actually bought it. Which I did not :(

    d) I strongly considered your chocolate idea. But it makes me look cheap, even though I personally would LOVE to get chocolate ;)

  4. To Mischief Managed:
    Ha ha let's hope that one day it will really happen. I know I'm keeping MY fingers crossed...


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