Saturday, April 30, 2011


By Jade Tara (sadly not written by Eeshie)

Age 12, Grade 7 (sadly not Eeshie's age)


Once there was an ordinary boy living in a town so ordinary it dried out his soul and forced him to live in a dream. The boy’s dreams numbered a thousand, and in these dreams he did a thousand heroic things. Sometimes he was a fantastic explorer, or sometimes a scientist who made an amazing discovery so great that he was given a shiny medal straight from D.C., along with permission to leave the town and work for the government. Once he was a mathematician who was so brilliant he left the town to teach at a school for people as brilliant as he, and once he was an artist who painted the ordinary landscape of his hometown a thousand times in twisted and beautiful ways, until finally a rich man gave him money to go to France and paint the beautiful, twisted landscapes there.

When he was 10 or 11, the boy’s dreams changed. Like always, they ended with the boy leaving the town. But now, when the boy left, he was not a rich politician, or a skilled musician: no, these dreams were too far off for the boy to draw comfort from. What comfort can be drawn by a 10 yr old boy from the idea that in 20 years his dreams may (or may not) come true?

For years the boy spent half of his time in an ordinary school that he hated with an extraordinary passion, and the other half of his time in a home he hated even more. So the boy began to dream of brave, boyish deeds, like finding treasure in an abandoned cave, or, more frequently, saving the pretty blond girl name Anywhere who lived down the street, from a terrible fire, and getting a metal from the city. Anywhere would kiss him, and her parents would thank him. His parents would stop worrying over bills for just a little while and be proud of him. He and Anywhere would leave for a big city somewhere far away, where there were no fires’ to hurt her and he could finally stop dreaming.

But that never happened. Summer ended, and his time for dreaming dissolved into time for studying. Autumn came, the air got drier. His mother got sick. Anywhere smiled cautiously at him when he passed, but never said a word. His father kept worrying over bills. The boy stayed in the town. So did Anywhere. Winter came. Winter past. Spring came. The boy’s mother got sicker and soon passed away. The boy never cried, no matter how much drier his soul got or how much more dreadful his life became. He continued to dream.

As the boy grew older, his dreams dried up like his soul and became bothersome. There were no caves in his town, anyway, the boy told himself, and began to be angry that he’d spent so much of his life dreaming.

The boy still dreamed of leaving the town, of course, but no longer were his dreams accompanied by unlikely and heroic deeds. Now the boy had grown resigned to the fact of what he was: Just an ordinary boy. I am just an ordinary boy, he said to himself, but that doesn’t mean I can’t leave this town. Just a week, just a month, just one more year… Then I’ll leave. Soon, he entered High School. He didn’t even bother dreaming of college. Instead, he began to date Anywhere. One day, he asked her to leave with him, to go to a city far away and never come back. Anywhere shook her head and smiled, and her blue eyes told him she knew a secret he did not. Anywhere did not want to leave. She was still a child as much as he was, and she dreamed too, but her dreams were of simplicity, of a family and happiness, and that was all.

They grew up. They got married. They had three children, two boys and a little girl named Any. The boy still dreamed. But soon, he realized, dejectedly, that that his dreams were only dreams. The boy was no longer an ordinary boy, but an ordinary man, and he recognized that the time for this sort of dreaming was past.

One day, the man came into the kitchen and sat down at the table. He watched his wife as she was making dinner, shredding carrots, placing them into a pot, repeating the process. “I have to go,” he said, “I have to leave.”

Anywhere turned to him. “Okay,” She said, “It’s okay. I know.” She said good-bye and turned back to the carrots. Her eyes still said there was a secret he did not yet know.

The man who was once a boy walked and walked and walked until he reached the edge of the town. There, he saw a wall, all around, straight around the town like a rubber band closing it in on itself: clear and made of a plastic-like material he’d never seen before. It took a long time for the man to realize what that meant—the wall meant he couldn’t leave. When he realized this, the boy ran, and kept running and running until he’d gone a full circle around the edge of town, and he knew for sure that there was no way out. Then he sat down and cried and cried and cried. When he was done crying, he stared out the wall at the blurred visions of trucks going by. He did not dream.

Once there was an ordinary girl living in a town so ordinary she could feel it beginning to dry out her soul, and forcing her to force her dreams into reality. Like any healthy young girl, she dreamed. However, she dreamt different dreams than her father, as her mother was quick to assure her every now and then. She was a clever girl, and she had smart dreams. She dreamt of getting a scholarship to an out of state college, and of leaving the town.

When she told her mother these dreams, her mother whispered, “You know, Any, I’d like to leave here too, someday.” But then she smiled with her blue eyes, and they said that she knew a secret that the girl did not. The girl didn’t like it.

Nevertheless, the girl worked hard, and before long she’d won a scholarship to a college out of state. She said good-bye to her mother and her older brothers who looked at her doubtfully but wished her luck. The girl said good-bye to the town, and packed her bags, and then she began the long walk to the edge of town. There sat a homeless man, old and slightly insane, smiling with his eyes and telling her he knew a secret that she did not yet know. If he recognized his daughter, he didn’t say a word. For a while the girl stood there. She watched the man, who sat, staring at the wall without dreaming. She stared at the wall too; but the girl never stopped dreaming, even for a second. Then she stepped towards the wall.

The man began to laugh. He laughed and laughed and laughed, and refused to stop. The girl looked at him. She shook her head and smiled. Her eyes said she knew a secret he still did not know. The man-who-was-once-a-boy watched his daughter as she stepped through the wall and walked onto the other side.

A terrible realization came to the man. He stared at the wall, dreaming, wondering what the girl might find. He reached out his hand. It went straight through. 

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

There's No Place Like Home. At Home, I Have A Bag Of Skittles And Internet Access. What Else Could I Want?

G'day, mates (Look at me. Going Australian. I'm just so cool.).

Welp. It's Tuesday. Last day of Spring Break. Noooooo...For some reason, I feel like this is going to be my last post or something. I'm scared. I don't want this to be my last post. But I feel that with the pressures of school arising as the end of the school year approaches, I'll be in FULL SCHOOL MODE, with my door closed and my curtains drawn and all my textbooks surrounding me in circle while I sit in the middle of it all, crying my heart out and eating  carrots dipped in Nutella.

I have this feeling that I'll be really busy. Especially with like, five state tests to do. Three next week or so, and then two in June. SO SCARED.

I mean, if this really is my last post, it won't be my last post in forever. Just my last post until I guess some state test are over. I don't want to wait for summer vacation.

Scared for state tests...

Anywya, I got tagged by two people recently: The wonderful Ash and the wonderful Natalie. Strangely, they both tagged me for the same thing. As in the same set of questions. That was cool. Did you guys plan that, or was it a complete coincidence? I found that cool...

Sooo, here are my not-so-long-awaited answers!

What did you do 10 years ago?
Hmm. 10 years ago, eh? Well...ten years ago I was just a wee child who spent most of her time coloring and watching Arthur or Cyberchase. Man, I love myself some Arthur.

What did you do one year ago?
Well it's April now. All I can remember from April of last year is preparing for state tests. I lived in New Jersey back then. Good times, good times...

Five snacks that you like?
At the moment? Anything with cheese, really. Sour cream and onion Lays (Buy me some for my birthday and I'll love you forever), Reese's Cups, samosas, and brains. Yummy.

Five songs which you know the whole lyrics to?
Not many, actually. Uh...Viva La Vida by Coldplay, Speak Now by Taylor Swift, Feelin' Good by Nina Simone (although the Michael Buble version is sooo much better), All My Loving by The Beatles, and Friday by Rebecca Black. The only reason I know that last one is because Rebecca Black herself found my apartment in NYC and read my post making fun of her lousy music and vowed to the 'sun gods' that she'd make me know the song. So, she dragged me to her underground torture chamber and beat me repeatedly with a hotdog and put her terrible song deafeningly loud against my ear and played it 823, 342, 903 times, so that it was imprinted in my brain for life.

And then with a camera smile, she handed me four copies of her signed CD's and told me in a peppy fashion, "You should go to my concert! It'll be super duper fun!"

Anddddd then I died.

Five things you would do if you were a millionare?
1) Half of it for my parents
2) Quarter of it for my brother
3) Bits and bobs for friends, cousins, and other relatives
4) Charity/Medical Research/Muslim Organizations/World Peace Organizations
5) Write a book, since now I obviously don't need to become a neuropharmacist to get money, right? And after I write my book, I'll probably want to study at Princeton or Colombia or something and become a neuropharmacist anyway, because I'll be ridiculously bored at my huge house.

Five Bad Habits?
Oh, I assure you. Eeshie has no bad habits.


HA! You wish.

1) Procrastinating
2) Writing on this blog when I really should be studying or reading
3) Um...lying...sometimes...
4) Laughing really, really, really loudly
5) Spending two hours when making a petty decision.

Five things you like to do?
1) Writing, writing, writing, writing...
2) Reading, reading, reading, reading...
3) Blogging, blogging, blogging, blogging...
4) Talking, talking, talking, talking...
5) Sleeping, sleeping, sleeping, sleeping...

[Eeshie has no life]

Five things you would never dress in or buy?
1) A Justin Beiber bra (Yes, they exist)
2) Sandals with socks
3) Miniskirts. Never ever.
4) A cape
5) These jeans

Five favourite toys?
1) BARBIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, um, ahem, I mean, well, um, uh............Monster trucks.
2) Camera!
3) Internet
4) Guitar Hero 3
5) Cabbage Patch Kids. *licks lips* Oh yes.

Five people you'd like to see take this quiz?
Well, I'd like to see you five do it. But I don't think you're going to...

1) Noah Brown (Dude, you're awesome)
2) That Blond Guy (Hey, you're awesome as well)
3) Furree Katt (You're awesome-er than the word "awesome")
4) Misticalnia (You're weird. And awesome, too!)
5) Sarcasmic Ross (You're sarcasm is unbelievably awesome)

I believe we've established that the people I've tagged are indeed, awesome.

And it's in rainbow colors!

Yeah, so here's a comic that kind of made me depressed by the end, but I'm sharing it anyway. If it's too small, just press it to get it bigger.

Poor little fellas.

Omigoshes, you must go on the site called It's so cool! Basically, you draw something on the space they provide for you, submit it, and instantaneously, you get a drawing back. I drew some pretty crude stuff, and I got some amazing drawings back. Here are a few of the pictures I got back (not drawn by me):

Awesome, right? Right?!?

Now, some of you aren't completely convinced that I'm a freak. You're terribly wrong, and what I did on the Tuesday of Spring Break (I believe it was the 19th) is raw proof.

I was so, so painfully bored, so I wandered into my mother's room without a clue of what to do and began rummaging through her makeup. I found a whole basket of lipstick. I opened numerous tubes and found radiant reds, precious pinks, and some deep purples. And then, out of nowhere, I found the ugliest shade of lipstick known to man. It was this horrid combination of orange and red and it was so disgusting and just such a nasty color, and I wondered in the back of my mind who in their right mind who buy this, let alone make this color of lipstick in the first place?

I went to my mirror and put it on.

After applying the lipstick carefully and slowly, I closed the tube. Then I looked in the mirror. And I grinned.

I walked to the dining room to show my brother.

"Yns, isn't this the worst shade of lipstick ever?"

He glanced up at me from the laptop and started cracking up.


Seriously. I cannot express in words how hard he laughed. And for how long, for that matter.

I stood there awkwardly, smiling still, basking in the laughter, even though I didn't think it was that funny.

After he finished laughing, my mom came in.

"Eeshie! What did you do?!"

"I-" I looked at my brother, trying hard to stifle his laughter. Then, I put a very solemn expression on my face and said, "I ate a bag of Cheetos and went crazy."

My brother exploded again, and I just stood there, grinning like an idiot. Even my mother smiled, but then she scolded at me to take it off.

Eventually, I did...but not before smearing it over my lips and nose and cheeks and chin. I also took a picture of myself holding a sign that said, "I ate a bag of Cheetos and went crazy."

Fun times.

Oh, almost forgot to mention. I took a Personality Disorder Test and these were my results (the numbers in gray are the average percents):


Antisocial 50%? Well, screw you! I'm plenty social!!

Ha! Just kidding. What they mean by antisocial is "insensitive to others, violates the rights of others." Basically, they're saying Mean 50%. And I mean, awright, I can deal with that. I am pretty mean, right? Right?

Paranoid 50%...Dependant 50%...GODDAMN THIS IS ALL TRUE! IT'S ALL SO  TRUE!

I don't like my results! I'm going to retake it. After all, it does say at the top of the page: Answering these questions accurately requires honest reflection on how you really think, feel, and act in general and maybe taking the test on more than one occasion.

See? I'm not doomed.

Much to my dismay, there was a major change of plans on the Thursday of Spring Break, and I ended up not going to Barnes & Noble's. I was pretty upset about it. That was like, the single reason I got up early that day by waking up at seven a.m. in the morning, had to be fresh, had to go downstairs, had to have my bowl, had to have cereal, saw everything while the time was going, tickin' on and on, everybody was rushing, had to get down to my bus stop, had to catch my bus, I saw my friends, kicking in the front seat – Wait, what?!

But, I went on yesterday, which was Monday, the 25th instead! And I got some awesome possum books. Well, eh I was kind of annoyed because pretty much all they had was hardcover books there. Seriously. So, books that are usually five bucks I ended up paying eighteen dollars for. ANGRY. So, I only got three books. Darn. It was a hard decision, let me tell you. I had to decide between I Am Number Four, Water For Elephants, Matched, Beastly, Entwined, and Thirteen Reasons Why. In the end, I put Water For Elephants back, because apparently I'll be reading it next year in school. And I put Thirteen Reasons Why back, because my brother and I were fighting over it, so...yeah. And I also put I Am Number Four back, because a friend of ours who was there named Seth said that I could read it online. So...I guess I'll do that.

Oh yeah! Speaking of brother and I were pleasantly surprised there. Since my dad had some stuff to take care of, he dropped Yns and me at a Barnes & Noble's we'd never been in before. And Oh. My. God. It was a dream. An absolute fantasy. So big. There were friendly elderly doormen opening the vintage doors for us with a genial, "Hello!" and it smelled like coffee and Cinnamon and there were escalators going to the basement floor and there were books and books and books and books.

Like I said. A dream.

Anyway. Yns and I spent the first hour getting books on the basement floor, and then we went back up to the main floor to look around some more. While we were looking at some books there, we heard a friendly male voice, "Yns!"

We turned around and saw two boys walking towards us. Now, get ready for this; this is going to be really hard to follow. The boy that called my brother's name was named Seth. Seth is the cousin of my friend MH. He's my age. His family and our family are family friends, so that's how we know each other (MH's family and our family are family friends as well). Seth and Yns are friends as well, and yeah, I guess he's friends with me, too.

Walking alongside Seth was this other taller, more attractive guy I'd never seen before. But apparently my brother had. The three of them started smiling and laughing and talking.

"Hey, Seth!" Yns said. I smiled and said hello as well.

Yns introduced us all. "Okay, Eeshie this is Raymond and this is Seth."

I laughed. "Yns, I know who Seth is."

Raymond smiled and asked my brother, "Is this your sister?"

He and I both nodded at the same time. "Yeah, she and Seth are the same age."

"So, are you and Yns the same age?" I asked Raymond. They both nodded. "Oh, that's cool."

So we all got to know each other, and turns out the Raymond was really, really nice. And funny. And cool. And um, hot. Like, when I first met Seth, I was like, Aw, he's cute. But now when I saw Raymond, I was like, WHOA.

Anyway. We all got along really, really well. Where does Yns get all these awesome friends?!

Remember I told you that there are eight high schools in NYC which are the best of the best of the best? You have to take this special admission test to get into them and everything? And remember I told you my brother is going to the #1 best next year, and I'm going to #2 best next year? Turns out Seth and I are both going there! Yay! And Raymond already goes to like, the #5 best one or something. Still, it's pretty impressive to be offered a chance at any of them.

Seth and I were both begging Raymond to buy The Hunger Games. We both read it just recently, so now I guess we're spreading the happiness. Raymond gave in and bought the book. Mission accomplished!

The thing I like about Raymond is that he's funny in the same way my brother is funny. Now, if you've met me in real life, then you know what my brother is like. He's funny (admit it, ehuber930!). He gets along with people and is just so darn likable. That's how Raymond was. He was hilarious. And he was more mature than my brother, also a plus. (My brother is a five-year-old at heart. Just sayin'.)

And did I mention that Raymond was hot?


Of course, at points I felt that being a girl hanging out with three guys was awkward. They were all doing this really strange thing where one of them would ask the other, "What's the capital of Thailand?" The other would say, "I don't know." And then the first person would basically punch the other in the crotch area and yell, "BANG-COCK!"


I laughed at it, of course. Hey, it was funny! ... Don't look at me like that!

Soon after, my brother and I went to buy something from the Starbucks that was inside of the store, while Seth and Raymond went to go get a table. After squabbling with each other on what to buy (since everything was unreasonably overpriced), we decided on a Triple Chocolate Chunk Cookie. Or something like that.

When we were almost to the counter, my brother told me, "When I tell her my order, I'm going to stress the word, 'one.'"

I wrinkled my nose. "What do you mean?"

"Like, I'm going to tell her we're going to get one Triple Chocolate Chunk Cookie."

I laughed. "Why? You're so weird."

So when we got to the counter, my brother said, "All right. Can we have ONE, Triple Chocolate Chunk Cookie?"

The lady smiled. "Are you sure you only want ONE?"

He basically exploded in joy.

So, when we got to Seth and Raymond at their table, my brother and I shared a chair while Seth and Raymond shared a chair. While eating and talking and stuff, I happened to spot two hot guys who were probably a few years older than me, but still. They were hot.

I gasped and said, "Ooh! Hot guys!" (I swear, force of habit)

Then, my brother and Seth went crazy, craning their necks trying to see them. "Where, where?! Where's the hot guys?!"

Raymond and I cracked up. Raymond was like, "Why are you guys so interested? Hmmm?"

They both blushed. I think my brother said something like, "We just wanted to see..."

Oh, the fun we have.

At one point, I noticed the book Seth was buying. It was a vampire book. Sigh.

"Seth, what are you doing reading a vampire book?" I teased. "You're a guy."

Raymond loudly stage-whispered to me, "He's gay!" And then they tackled each other.

Later, Raymond was telling us a story about Seth that made us go insane. He said, "Yo, this kid is mad dumb! Last year, we were coming back from school and I waved to some firemen. They waved back and were all like, 'Yo, wassup?' and stuff like that. Then, we're passing some random black stranger on the street and this kid -- " Here, he swats Seth on the shoulder. "This kid waves at him! And the black guy goes all, 'What the hell?! You motherf@cker, whachu' tryin to start?! You wanna go?! YOU WANNA GO!? Tryin' to start a fight!?'"

At this point, my brother and I are on the ground.

"Then," Raymond continues. "This kid got so scared he started running away! He took off the other direction and I was just standing there shaking my head, thinking like, Dumbass."

We laughed even harder. Seth was trying to keep a dignified look.

"Seth, you should have your own show. 'Seth's Little Adventures,'" Yns proposed.

"No, how about, 'Seth Time!'" Seth laughed.

My brother kept going. "Seth Galore! Do you feel Seth?"

God, that was fun.

Anyway! My brother got some pretty interesting books as well. He got Brain Jack, The Tomorrow Code, The Warrior, and the last installment of of the Alex Rider series. Grr. He got four books. I only got three. Grr.

In the end, I had five extra dollars on my gift card. Two I let my brother use because his books cost $52 in the end, and the last three I decided I would spend on something like a bookmark. Turns out that Mother's Day is coming up, so I got a Mother's Day card instead. Shh! Don't tell her!

We went home soon after that. Very fun.

That just made my day.

Anyhoo. While cleaning my room the other day, I unearthed my old personality quiz book from like, fifth or sixth grade. It was just caked with dust and all forgotten about and I was like, “Ooh! Quizzes!” and I sat down on my bed and took some quizzes.

You know the type. “What Type of Style Are you?” and “What Type of Cookie Are You?” and “How Extreme Are You?” and “What Breed of Dog Are You?”

...Yeah, I don't know...

Anyway. I was flipping through the book and found one that looked really interesting. While taking it, I wondered if I was going to get the same result as last time, when I was in fifth/sixth grade. The quiz was called:

If your life were a movie, what kind of movie would it be?

Now, when I finished the quiz, I was rather surprised. My answers did change! Back when I took that quiz the first time, my result was:

An Animated Musical (Beauty and the Beast, for example)

Your life would be the kind of movie where a guy and girl sing mushy songs and birds flutter and flowers bloom and little bunnies giggle and hide their eyes. It sounds too good to be true and, in fact, it is – but that doesn't stop you from dreaming. You're a true romantic and your friends wouldn't want it any other way.

...I mean...that's great, I guess. But when I took it a few days ago, I got this:

A Goofball Comedy (think Will Farrell)

All your life, you've been making a whole lot of funny. Friends know they can count on you for the perfect smart-aleck remark so, of course, the movie of your life would have them rolling in the aisles. Remember, they're not laughing at you. They're laughing with you.

All right. So. What does that mean? From fifth grade to now, I've turned from a romantic into a 'goofball' as they call it? Is that good or bad? I don't know.

Ah, whatever. I'm taking this stuff way too seriously.

Someone FINALLY emailed me at FINALLY. This is like, the first email I've gotten for this blog, other than the 72 spam letters (How do they find me?). This person emailed me a set of questions to complete. Like a survey. They wanted me to fill it out and post it here, and then tag a few people at the end. I guess she's starting a chain of surveys or something? She forwarded the message to like, twenty people. So don't be surprised if you see this survey other places. Or in your Inbox.

Oh yes. And she asked all of us to keep her anonymous. Not sure why...but sure.

The questions were rather...interesting?


Eeshie. Obviously.

Is your name on Blogger your name in real life? If not, what letter does your real name start with?

Nope. My real name starts with the letter, "A."

Astrological sign?


If there was a huge 'Blogspot Get-Together' where all bloggers were meant to come together and meet in real-life, would you go?

Heck yes! I'd love to meet all of you people! Is this for real? I seriously would love that.

Have you ever rejected someone?


If so, was it harshly?


Did he/she cry?

Omgiod, I don't know. I never thought about that. I hope not. I'M SORRY! *hides guilty look on face*

Have you ever tried a cigarette?

No, and I plan on keeping it that way. But by now, my lungs are probably half-covered in tar or whatever because I'm in such close proximity to smoke and tobacco and stuff all the time. Secondhand smoking is not good, kids. Not good at all.

Have you ever been high? If so, on what?

Yes. On orange juice.

What are six things you find attractive when present in the opposite gender?

Hmm...only six?!?

1) Gentlemen-like manners. Holding open doors, carrying your stuff for you – things in that nature. This may sound petty, but it's really hard to find someone who does this stuff nowadays.

2) Guys who fit the description of tall, dark, and handsome. That's hot.

3) Intelligent dudes. Like, the guys that actually read and stuff and know what their plans are and have somewhat of an idea of what they want in life.

4) Have the ability to make jokes! Very, very important! I like funny guys!

5) I guess I find creative guys attractive. Like if you're the artsy type who sketches amazing and takes pictures. Or you're the mysterious guy who plays soul-wrenching songs on the piano. Man...that's hot.

6) Guys that call you, “Sweetheart.” Oh, my God. I find that so hot. And dreamy. Like, if there's ever a guy that calls me Sweetheart, I basically faint right there on the spot. I don't know why. I just find that so damn attractive. A guy calls me Sweetheart, and I'm basically done for. Like, I'll probably end up doing whatever they want at the snap of their fingers. My insides pretty much melt and I feel all fluttery and I get butterflies insides my stomach and the Butterfly S.W.A.T. Team in my chest can usually never catch them, so...I'm doomed.

But it's a good kind of doomed!

What are five things that you find extremely unattractive in the opposite gender?

Oh, there are so many! I'll try to narrow it down, though. Ha. That was a diss for guys. Did you catch that? Guys?

1) Guys that spit when they talk. AH! I hate this so much! Two years ago, math class. I'd leave that class with about a gallon of my partner's saliva on my notebook every day. Disgusting.

2) Loud, conceited guys who are in some kind of misperception that the girl they are with is a mile away and they must scream to get their attention. And they think the girl likes being put down by them every few seconds. Nice.
3) Guys who change their girlfriends every week. Oh hey! I know someone who does that! (You with me on this one, ehuber930? Know who I'm talking about, right?)

4) Tattoos. And excessive piercings. *Shudder
5) And of course, angry abusive types.

Answer only if you have a sibling: If your sibling wasn't your sibling, do you think you'd ever find him/her attractive and go out with him/her?

Ew! That's sick! Ah! What kind of sick person makes these questions up?! (Nah, just kidding. I love you. But seriously: Why??)

Would you ever eat a caterpillar?


If yes, why?


If no, why not?

Well I'm not stupid.

Would you rather kiss a random stranger on the street of the opposite gender or tickle a random stranger on the street of the opposite gender?

Definitely, definitely tickle. Tickling is fun.

Would you rather throw up on stage or fart on stage?

...Wow, this is a hard one...I seriously don't know.

..., how loud would this fart be?

Would you ever sneak out of the house at night?

Not possible. My parents have an electronic tracking device chip inserted in my left butt cheek.

Do you think this survey was weird?


Did you find it enjoyable?


Which five bloggers will you be tagging to take this survey as well?

Yeah, yeah. Hold on. Let me find my slips of paper with everyones name on it and I'll go find my hat and I'll go pick random. This will take a couple minutes. Please standby.


Kay! I'm back! And ooh, I picked some good people.

1) That Blond Guy of The Nerd Archives (as expected. His slip of paper always manages to find its way into my hand when I do this.)

2) Noah Brown of Brown's Eye (I'm scared and slightly excited and very curious to see your answers)

3) Ash of The Cheesecake Paradox (Juicy, juicy)

4) Anthony of Abyrne.Me Blog (God, no. His answers are going to be so creepy. Ha, just kidding, I love you, can't you take a joke?!)

5) RainboRevolver of I Wish I Were British (Ahh. Her slip of paper finally made it to my hands! And it was impeccable timing as well, because if the only people that came up for this crazy survey were guys, I was seriously going to consider drawing new names.)

So that's that.

I think I can listen to this song a million times and still want to hear it again. And again.

Anyway, ya'll have probably noticed by now, but my last post was a huge success. Huge. It got like, 43 comments, and still counting. Yay! You all have made me a very conceited blogger.

Sorry for the lack of interesting stories on this post. I know I usually have like forty, and this had like five. It's partially because I've been mad sick. Ugh. I hate being sick. Again, I'm sorry.

Anyway. I guess it's time for me to go. Let's hope I keep posting! I really don't want this to be my last post until the summer...
 Hey! I did this when I was a child, too!

Oh yeah! I almost forgot to mention! Now, I know people like getting comfy when they read, but do you have to get that comfy while in Barnes & Nobles? Seriously? My brother took a picture of this guy who was getting very comfortable in the comic section...

Yeah. Lovely.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

When I Was Eight, I Proudly Declared That I Knew That "WTF" Meant "Wow, That's Funny," And Have Been Using It All Over The Internet Since.


Tonight, we here at I Don't Skinny Dip I Chunky Dunk have quite a bit in stock for your entertainment. Why, you ask? Because it's the...
Yes folks! It really is the 1ooth Follower Spectacular! I, Eeshie of New York City, have successfully managed to reach 100 followers! Say it with me: Huzzah! Huzzah!

And let me tell you, kids. This 100th Follower Spectacular!  is going to be the longest, greatest, most awesome-est, most watermelon-flavored, cough-inducing post up to date! Hip hip hooray! Seriously. I'm going to make this post awesome. It'll take you a year and a half to complete it. You'll think of me and this post in your sleep. Just you wait...

Now to start the night off, I'd like to mention that I actually talked to Mr. Pedophilic Ice Cream Man on Sunday, the 17th (Learn about him on this post) My brother and I were forced to attend this huge fair/function/event/thing/possum with our parents that Sunday. We didn't know anyone. My friends and his friends were supposed to come, but they wouldn't be coming until hours later. So we were pretty much sitting there in the center of all the excitement, bored out of our minds.

I couldn't take it anymore, so I asked my brother if he'd walk around nearby blocks with me. Anything would be more interesting than what we were enduring now. He said yes and we were off.

As soon as we stepped out of the fair/function/event/thing/possum, that familiar little jangle came. I gritted my teeth.

"Ooh! I want ice cream!" My brother said, digging out his wallet for a few bills.

I gave my older brother a look.

"What?" he asked, confused.

I deepened the look.


"Yns. It's him."

"Ohh..." he said, remembering. "So I shouldn't get ice cream?"

I shrugged. "Eh, what the hell. You might as well get it."

We approached the truck. Mr. Pedophilic Ice Cream Man (we shall abbreviate him as Mr. PICM) had been sitting, but he glanced over at me while I was walking towards him. He sat up straight and poked his head out the window with this sleazy grin and a sly look to his eyes.

Oh yeah. And he was wearing a do-rag. Ha ha!

He basically eyed me up and down, just like that (I was wearing this really dazzling dress for the fair/function/event/thing/possum.), over and over. And then he saw my brother, tall and looming with this steely look on his face.

He stopped.

There was a moment of silence for a few seconds, as both Yns and Mr. PICM looked at each other. Then, my brother spoke.

"How much for a vanilla cone?"

"Vanilla cone?" Mr. PICM asked. He seemed a bit disoriented with my brother standing there. HA. "Uh...two dollars."

 That's overpriced! I thought immediately. I realized how childish I sounded to myself, complaining. Really, I was just annoyed with him, no matter how high or low the price of his ice cream was. And then, I realized both my brother and Mr. PICM were staring at me. And then, horrified, I realized that I had spoken those two words out loud.

Aw, shee-it.

I tried turning this act of my stupidity into a diss for him. I shot him this sugar-coated smile, the kind that could only be described as sickeningly sweet. It was wayyy fake; even a drunk could tell. Again, I immediately said, "That's overpriced." Cue the smile.

Most people back off when they see this evil smile of mine. This smile of mine means, “Cut the crap.” But Mr. PICM wasn't fazed. At all. In fact, he welcomed my smile. Did not question it at all. For all I know, he probably thinks I'm interested.

He smiled back. "Sorry, all the ice cream around here has the same price."

Seeing that he was not fazed, and now annoyed at myself more than anything, I simply turned on my heel and walked away, scowling. Yns followed suit.

After we were away from his ears, I asked my brother, "Do you think he recognized me?"

"I don't know," my brother snapped. He seemed a bit annoyed.

I stopped. "What?"

Yns hesitated, and then spit it out. "You were too friendly with him! And you smiled too much!"

I was surprised. I hadn't thought I was smiling too much. In fact, the smile I had given him was one I had delicately crafted years ago for one purpose: teachers I hated. Over the years, I gave it a few tweaks here and there to serve other purposes, such as showing a certain pedophilic ice cream dude how much I hate him. But it never occurred to me that my cleverly crafted smiles could backfire...

Well. Guess it's back to the mirror -- ahem, drawing board for me.

And now on a completely random note, here are a series of pictures that I found on the web a few weeks ago. Enjoy!

A Pictorial Guide to Avoiding Camera Loss by Andrew McDonald


You know, the fair/function/event/thing/possum wasn't all that bad, I have to admit. I ended up leaving with a $50 giftcard to Barnes & Noble, which I intend on spending very, very soon (Any suggestions as to what books I should buy?) My brother got one, too. About eight people did. They were all for teens who got into those really hard to get into schools that I mentioned many posts ago. Remember what I'm talking about? I got into the second best (some call it the best, but I call it second best) high school in New York City, and my brother got into THE best high school in New York City. Whoo!

Yeah, so my brother and I both had to go on stage with our parents to receive the award. Not fun. And while holding our giftcards and certificates and roses, we had to put on our best smiles and wait for the camera flashing to stop so we could leave. My lips felt like rubber after that one.

She (and I hate to admit this) looked rather cute in her dress. "Eeshie!" she exclaimed. We complimented each others dresses and she asked me what I had received. I showed her the gift card and she ran to the stage to get hers.

Oh yeah. Guess I didn't mention that. Lydia and I both got into the same amazing school. With me getting a single point higher than her on the admission test. *Phew*

We left shortly after getting our awards. I was so happy about that. We ditched the dumb fair/function/event/thing/possum and hit up the Chinese fast food restaurant. Hell yeah.

Oh yeah! Almost forgot to mention! I got an award! What a timing, right? My first award, just as I reach 100 followers. I'm epic like that.

I got this lovely award from one of my newest followers, Mr. Lamebutt! His blog is lovely as well. You should really check it out. Really. Check it out. I want you to check it out. Hence the link I've provided to all of you so that all of you can have the joy of reading his lovely blog. 


Go on now. 

And now is the part where I'm supposed to give the One Lovely Blog Award to nine other bloggers. Once again, like I did with the tagging, I'm picking these nine people randomly. You can't expect me to pick the loveliest blogs. I'd end up picking all of them. So I'm picking randomly. Please standby...


Kay, I'm back! Weirdly, some blogs got picked again. Ha!

First up is Ash of The Cheesecake Paradox. Very awesome blog. A great read. I've completely abandoned all homework and studies to read his blog multiple times in the past, and will surely continue to do so. It's worth getting yelled at by Ms. Attorney. His blog is really good. One of my all-time favorite posts of his was his most recent one. This is the link to it. You need to read it. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Well, not warm and fuzzy. Reflective and contemplative is more like it.

And it's hard to believe that Ash could get any better, but he can! He was the one who introduced me to writing "Peas out" rather than "Peace out." And for this, I will love him forever and always ten times more.

Next up we have Natalie of A Natalie Moment. People don't get sweeter than her. Or more down-to-earth. She's so nice! I love her! Whenever I post something new, and I see that Natalie has commented, I get all happy and excited inside because she seriously leaves the best comments ever. I love the comments she leaves me. They just make my day. As does her blog. You had better press that link, or I shall come after you.

And now we have Furree Katt Katt! (Her screen name is the same as her blog name.) Her blog is awesomely spunky. The stories she put up there make me laugh insanely. And since she's a teacher (at seventeen. Ain't it cool?), she has pictures and stories of her adorable students on occasion. You need to press this link as well!

The next award-ee is Ryan Mace of Music=Love and Life. Pretty deep title there if you ask me. His writing is amazing. I don't know how many times I've said this. I'm saying it again. He's one of the best poets on Blogger I know. I've seen a lot of poetry blogs on Blogger, and some of them just suck. Some of them are okay, but they could definitely use improvement. And some of them just bore me to tears. But this blog? Ryan Mace of Music=Love and Life? It's amazing and it's perfect and Ryan Mace is a very talented eighteen year old. That's all I've got to say.

Four down. Five to go. Gosh, this is really wearing me out.

Mandy Thomas of Trouble In Mind. She's cool. And funny. And quirky. And I guess I'd have to call her "crazy at times in a good way" after watching her Charlie Sheen Impression.   Watch it!!

Boyd of Boyd's World! This blog is about a really cool dude named Drew Morgan who has AWESOME HAIR! And um...oh yeah! He plays in this really, really, really good band (you can watch their videos on Youtube -- they're called Crush of Society.) Listen to their songs. They're actually good. Andddd, he has AWESOME HAIR!!

Well, well. Looks like I'm awarding Noah Brown of Brown's Eye. He really is a swell blogger. And as I said in my last post, he's so good at surprising. I'm not kidding about this -- out of nowhere a random joke about bitches will come. Who knew?! And I found out that him and I must be soulmates, because he lives in New Jersey. And that's where I used to live up until the end of last September (2010). That's when I moved to where I live now, NYC. I'm telling you. Soul. Mates.

That Blond Guy of The Nerd Archives is a fantastic blogger as well whose blog definitely surpasses loveliness. It's way more than that. It's way too funny. Seriously. Who gave him the right to be that funny?!? I want to know! Oh yeah, and I found out yesterday that I'm his wife. Who knew, right?!? Sweet!

Ah. Last but nowhere near the least, I give the award to Misticalnia at Candles, who happens to be one of my best friends in the whole world and is also my dear cousin. We kind of grew up with each other because we saw (and still see) each other frequently. She's awesome. I love her and her blog. You need to click on that link.


PHEW! I'm done! God! That took me like an hour! You know how long it takes a half-drunk person driving a car with her feet through a cornfield with screaming babies in the backseat to be able to type good things about nine people onto a tiny keyboard the size of a tomato?!?

Nah, just kidding. But it was still difficult. Here's a break from all that reading.

My longtime friend Mischeif Managed introduced me to Bo Burnham. Heard of him? No? Well today is your lucky day. I'm going to introduce him to all of you.

Bo Burnham, as Wikipedia would put it,  is a comedian, singer-songwriter, musician, actor, and Internet celebrity. Writing comedic and satirical songs with a politically incorrect slant, he became famous when his YouTube videos took off.

Thank you, WikiSearch.

The following video is of him freaking out live, as the title says. The rap he's performing is one that he wrote himself called "I'm Bo Yo." It's hilarious. Before you watch the video I'm putting up here, you should probably watch his original one on YouTube. My God, this guy is funny. And I'm not one to say that. I usually get annoyed by these YouTube celebrities. But Bo Burnham? He's the exception. He's the most clever lyricist I've seen up to date, and this video is basically him falling apart on stage. In the very best way possible.

Watch. It.

Did you liiiiiike it?

Are there any more awesome people on YouTube that I don't know about? Damn. I must have been missing out on these guys for all these years.


A five-year-old at my mosque once asked me tentatively during weekend Arabic studies, "Eeshie?"

"Yes?" I answered.

"Do you have a crush on someone?"

I didn't bother looking up. "Do you?" I asked lazily.

"I asked you first!" she said sounding nervous.

I sighed and looked up from what I was doing. "All right, all right. Don't get a heart attack. No, I don't have a crush on anyone."

She was quiet.

"Why? I asked, teasing. "Do you?"

Her squirming made my day. But instead of answering, she asked, "Do you have a boyfriend?"

I was slightly amused at her question, a little shocked, a just a teeny bit scared because she knew my name and I didn't know hers. (Not surprising. Everyone at mosque under ten loves me, and therefore knows my name. Hey, I'm just awesome like that.)

"Why are you asking me questions like this?" I asked her. "I mean, we are in the mosque."

I was hoping she would get the hint. But five-year-old's don't know what hints are.


"Well," I said, lowering my voice so the teachers wouldn't hear me. "Dating is forbidden in Islam, so we shouldn't talk about it while in the mosque."

"But Nadine has had eight boyfriends!" the girl wailed.

I glared at the child and put an angry finger to my mouth to quiet her, as two of the teachers looked over at us.

"Well, Nadine is...Nadine...she..." I didn't know what to say. Nadine is one of my friends, and yeah, she has dated eight dudes. And it isn't exactly right, but I didn't want to outright say it.

"Well..." I said, struggling to come up with something. Finally, I settled for a lame excuse. "Well, she's older than you."

"So? I thought it didn't matter how old you are in Islam. I thought it's bad, no matter how old you are."

"Okay, okay you're right. Nadine is doing something wrong. She shouldn't be dating people."

The little girl seemed content.

"You're really happy now, aren't you, kid?" I mumbled. I should've just stayed quiet, because now the girl had a new line of questions.

"Eeshie, do you wear a hijab when you're at school?"




"No, I don't," I murmured under my breath.



Little girl was quiet. After a long silence, she said, "Well...that's not good."

I didn't answer. This little girl was unbelievably good at making me feel guilty for not being more Islamic.

"Eeshie? Did you ever touch a boy?"

"Go away."

 She giggled all the way back to her seat. I shook my head. I was never going to answer that question...

So there's this artist mom with a baby who found that she could not do a lot of her work now that she has a child. But this mom is creative, so she found a way to incorporate her art into taking care of her baby. While her baby slept on the ground, she'd rearrange and arrange and rearrange everything around the kid to give it a theme.

And now I give you...

Interesting Things To Do With Your Baby While They're Sleeping!

Rainy Baby!

Mary Poppins Baby!
Musical Baby!
Princess and the Pea Baby!
Clothesline Baby!
Walkin' in the Park Baby!
Butterfly Baby!
Bookworm Baby!
Bunny Baby!
Desi Baby!

That was way too cute, wasn't it? WAY too cute.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention who my 100th follower was. Congratulations Anthony, for making the life-changing decision to follow my blog. To appreciate your kindness, I give you this baby.

Oh yes, Anthony. Oh yes.

So. I'll be going to Barnes & Noble tomorrow with that $50 giftcard. Any book suggestions? Please? I want to read a really, really, insanely good book.

My brother and I were volunteering at the doctor's office my mom volunteers at today. You know - getting in hours and all that? I want to have as much hours as humanely possible for National Honors Society. Currently, I have 99 hours. But none of it was done this year. I got those hours last summer and the summer before that. I need hours for this year.

Anyway. I went there happily, thinking that I'd return with some note-worthy stories to share here. But no. Nothing happened. NOTHING. It was!

Ah, well. Maybe next time, eh?


Oh! You have to read this! I randomly came across this on the web a few days ago. They're comebacks that every woman needs to say at least once in her life. I was laughing at these.

Man: “Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
Woman: “Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.”

Man: “Is this seat empty?”
Woman: “Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.”

Man: “Your place or mine?”
Woman: “Both. You go to yours and I’ll go to mine.”

Man: “I’d like to call you. What’s your number?”
Woman: “It’s in the phone book.”

Man: “But I don’t know your name.”
Woman: “That’s in the phone book too.”

Man: “So what do you do for a living?”
Woman: “I’m a female impersonator.”
Man: “Hey, come on, we’re both here at this bar for the same reason.”
Woman: “Yeah! Let’s pick up some chicks!”

Man: “I’m here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy.”
Woman: “You mean you’ve got both a donkey and a Great Dane?”

Man: “I know how to please a woman.”
Woman: “Then why aren’t you leaving me alone?”

Man: “I want to give myself to you.”
Woman: “Sorry, I don’t accept cheap gifts.”

Man: “If I could see you naked, I’d die happy.
Woman: “Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing.”

Man: “Your body is like a temple.”
Woman: “Sorry, there are no services today.”

Man: “I’d go through anything for you.”
Woman: “Good! Let’s start with your bank account.”

Man: “I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: “Yes, but would you stay there?

Girl power! Whoo!

Yes, guys can definitely be annoying at times. My friend Logan was walking me home halfway a couple weeks ago (Don't ask...), and we somehow got into the topic of his girlfriend.

"So, Paula got reeeeally amazing grades for the third quarter," I said, teasing him. "You must be a really lucky guy."

"Yeah, I guess..." he murmured.

"What's wrong? Oh, God no. Don't tell me you''re...jealous of her grades?!" I asked, horrified.

"No, no! Of course not!" he assured me. "It's just that...sometimes I wish..."

"What? What do you wish? What?! Tell me!"

"Naw, you're definitely going to slap me.”

No! No, I promise I won't!”

Well...” he said, scratching his head. Finally, he blurted it out. “I wish Paula had bigger boobs!”

I slapped him.

What the hell!? You said you weren't going to slap me!”

Yeah, and when I met you, I thought you were an okay guy,” I said angrily. “How can you say that?!”

What?” he asked sheepishly. “I'm a teenage guy. With teenage guy thoughts. You can't possibly expect anything else from me.”

Logan! Oh my God, do you know how selfish that was?! And...and rude?! And sexist?! And rude?!? And mean?! And cruel?! And...and...” I was getting breathless.

Eeshie, calm down. Don't yell at me. I mean, come on. It's not like you don't wish your boyfriend had a bigger dick.”

I was confused. “But I don't have a boyfriend.”

Logan snapped his fingers. “Exactly!”


I shook my head. “Logan, you're not making any sense. You, as Paula's boyfriend, should be the last person wishing she looked differently. In fact, you shouldn't want her to be changed in any way. You should like her just the way she is!”

He broke out in song. “Cause you're amazing...just the way you are...”

Logan. Dude. I'm serious,” I said in a flat voice.

He stopped. “All right, all right. I won't say it ever again.”



But it's annoying, you know? It has to be my girlfriend with the small boobs?” he asked indignantly to no one in particular.

Man, shut up. I don't want to hear you.”

But no. Logan was getting quite fired up. “I mean, it's just not fair! Can't Paula have bigger boobs Macy's? Or Zainab's? Or MH's? Or yours?”

I instinctively raised my books in front of my chest. “Dude. You've got some serious issues.”

No, I'm serious!”

You know, it's weird that you have so much time to check out other girls' boobs. Isn't it?”

Can you give Paula some pointers on getting big boobs?”

Now here, I didn't know whether to bite his head off or crack up. I did both.

I smacked his shoulder with my book. “Logan! Shut up!” And then I laughed. He took this as a good sign.

So are you going to do it?”

My expression changed. Annoyed, I said, “No.”


Okay, I guess it wasn't the nicest thing to say.”

You got that right.”

We continued walking.

All right, I'm sorry. It's not my fault that I've got the desires of a teenage boy.”

Logan, you should really appreciate Paula. She's sweet, pretty, sings amazing, and she's really smart. Big boobs aren't the main focus in a relationship, you know.”

He nodded solemnly. “Thank you for that wonderful insight, Oprah.”

You're really funny, Logan,” I said, giving him the same smile I had given the ice cream man. He froze.

Okay, I'm sorry. For real this time. Jesus Christ. Next time you smile at me like that, I swear I'm going to wet my pants.”

I grinned (Regularly this time).

You're really scary, Eeshie.”

I know, right? I can't stand looking at mirrors because I just start screaming.”

If I had that smile of yours, I would, too. In fact, I'd get plastic surgery to change it.”

You're totally right. I should get plastic surgery to change this scary face of mine.”

Yeah. I bet all the mothers steer clear of you because you make their babies cry.”


And I bet the teachers give you good grades just so that you'll stay away from them.”

Ha. Ha ha. Funny.”

And I bet all the villains of the world are scared of you and your freaky smile.”

Ha. Okay, now shut up.”

We parted our ways after that, him running off like a little school-girl, calling some more insults as he did.

Dumba$$. And that's me using the term nicely.

I think I'll end this post soon. I bet ya'll are getting sick of me by now. My God, I'm practically getting sick of myself by now. I started writing this post on Monday, and it's Wednesday now, and I'm finally finishing it. Hot damn.

I'm asking again: Does any one have any good book suggestions? I'm going to Barnes & Nobles tomorrow, and I've got a $50 giftcard. I need to spend it.

Now, since I enjoy going out with a BANG! here's a heartbreaking video that you must watch. I've linked to it before, but I have a feeling that only one or two of you actually watched it. So here it is again, right in front of your face. Tell me if you cried. I cried while watching this. Tell me if you did.

Ain't it deep?

Well, looks like I'm going to go now. But before I leave, I'll tell you why I made such a big deal of reaching 100 followers and changed the background solely for this post and went all berserk. It's basically because I seriously never thought I'd reach this much followers. Back in November 2010, when I first sat down and thought, "Hey. Why don't I start a blog?" I only had five followers. Three of them were friends from my old school, one was my cousin, and the last one was me. And that was it. It went like that for a while, but slowly I got my sixth follower. Then my seventh. And then my tenth. And then my fourteenth. And then my twentieth (God, I had like a heart attack when I reached 20 followers). And somehow, I now have 100 followers. And I mean, even though I'm just some random hormonal teenage girl who you probably passed on the street a few days ago without realizing it, and even though it's just my dumb old, rinky-dink blog, I still feel like I accomplished something. You know?

And I just want to say thanks. You guys all cheer me up on those ugly, horrible days where I either feel like smashing a carton of eggs against Lady Gaga's expensive couch or just curling up in a ball on my bed and weeping softly with my pink Snuggie around me. (I'm weird). I know I say this a million times, so it probably sounds fake, but you guys seriously make me smile and cheer me up. Some of your words of comfort or your words of support or just your hilarious jokes make me happy again. And for that, I'll be in debt to you for a million years.

Cheers, my friends. To 100 followers, and perhaps many more in the future. Thank you.