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Friday, November 26, 2010

An Interview With Eeshie, Part I

     You know, since I have come to the conclusion that everyone in the entire world has inevitably become obsessed with me, I realize that they must be dying to know more about me. What is my personal life like? What nationality am I? Where do I live? What address? What do I look like? How tall am I? What is my social security number?
     Well. I'm about to please everyone by posting an interview that an anonymous interviewer had with me. I won't tell you who this interviewer was, but I can tell you one thing. This interview was NOT made up by me. I mean, it's not like I pretended to be an interviewer and made up some questions for myself to answer and that I'm pretending that all this stuff happened. Pfft.
      Er...Here we go!

An Interview With Eeshie

Anonymous Interviewer (we'll call him/her/unspecified gender "AI"): Hello there, Eeshie. Are you excited to start your interview?

Eeshie: Golly, I am so excited!

Al: (chuckles) All righty then. What is your real name, if you don't mind me asking?

Eeshie: (stares straight ahead) Pass.

Al: (looks up, confused) Pass? We're only on the first question.

Eeshie: (glares at Al)

Al: Okay, moving on. What school do you attend?

Eeshie: That is private information that I am not willing to share.

Al: It's fine. What nationality are you?

Eeshie: That is private information that I am not willing to share.

Al: (blinks) O-kay. Where do you live?

Eeshie: (clears throat) Once again, that is private information that I am not willing to share.

Al: All right, all right. I have more questions. What do you look like? And how tall are you?

Eeshie: (gives Al a look) Dude. Seriously?

Al: Okay, okay. No more personal questions. Er...what's your social security number?

Eeshie: (throws her hands up in the air) Goddamnit! What kind of screwed up interview is this?!?!

Al: I'm terribly sorry. I-I didn't write up this interview. My company wrote this.

Eeshie: That explains it. Corporations. They're always up to no good.

Al: May I proceed with the interview with the less personal questions?

Eeshie: Go ahead.

Al: (rummages through papers) If someone were to look under your bed, what would they find?

Eeshie: (looks thoughtful. After ten minutes of pondering, she responds) I dunno.

Al: (is clearly frustrated, but continues) So do you have any siblings?

Eeshie: Yeah. I do. I have an older brother in high school. Do you want his social security number too?

Al: No, but what dress size does he wear?

Eeshie: (stares at man) F*** you.

Al: What did you have for breakfast today?

Eeshie: Um, I woke up around lunchtime, so I just rummaged through my refrigerator for last night's dinner since no one qualified for making my lunch was home at the time (a.k.a. MOM)

Al: Are there any particular things you would like to advertise at the moment?

Eeshie: Oh yes! My friend Salena got a new "cellular device" as she calls it. It's the Blackberry Curve 9330. She told me that she gets high speed internet anywhere she goes, can watch Youtube videos anywhere, Facebook has its own app, and it also allows her to transfer the music from iTunes onto her phone and listen to it there. She also says that it is like an iPod, and even came with headphones. You see what we can accomplish when we recycle???

Al: Um...your friend Salena getting a new phone has no relation to recyc--

Eeshie: Hey, didn't I tell you to shut up?

Al: No, actuall--

Eeshie: F*** you.

_______________________________________________

The rest of the interview involved me beating the interviewer recklessly. But I didn't want you all to see how terrible I am.

I think I was a bit grumpy when I took part in this interview. Expect another interview in a few days, this time with a different interviewer: Larry!

2 comments:

  1. AHH! MY NAME WAS MENTIONEDD!! I FEEL SPECIALL! OMG IM TOTAALLLLYYY BAKING YOU COOKIES FOR THT! MY NAME WASNT MENTIONED JUST ONCE, IT WAS MENTIONED TWICE!!!! YEAH. EVERYONE SHOULD BE JEALOUS!

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