Thursday, January 13, 2011

Balloons. Not Just Any Balloons. Birthday Ballons.

I have an evil english teacher. Her name is Ms. Attorney.

She will literally spend the entire class yelling at us. We won't even have time for any learning. And she doesn't just scream at bad things. She screams about everything. Someone sneezed in class, and she went on this "entire-period-consuming-ranting-spree" about how that person just wanted attention, and how she wouldn't put up with people who just wanted attention. Ugh, she's crazy.

Anyhoo. We're all scared of her. Even the teachers. We were in my awesome science teacher's room when the bell rang. "Who do you guys have next?" She asked.

"Ms. Attorney," we echoed. 

"RUN! Get the hell out of here!"

So we all took off running to class (I've been about two seconds late to her class before, and because of me and six other late-comers, she made our whole class stay for lunch detention). When we got to her room, we saw that her homeroom class was there, getting something for their next class. So, it was basically like 60, or 65 kids in one room. And well, you know how teenagers get when it gets crowded. They get boisterous.

So we're all laughing and talking and mingling with the other class, and yes, some people are shouting, and then Ms. Attorney yells, "I WILL NOT SPEAK UNTIL IT IS SILENT! I WILL NOT SPEAK UNTIL IT IS SILENT! I WILL NOT SPEAK UNTIL IT IS SILENT! I WILL NOT SPEAK UNTIL IT IS SILENT! I WILL NOT SPEAK UNTIL IT IS SILENT! I WILL NOT SPEAK UNTIL IT IS SILENT!"

One of the funny girls in my class mumbles under her breath, "Then don't."

At that moment, another teacher appeared at the doorway and asked for a moment. She went in the hall to talk. While she was gone, more late students from my class came in, all holding balloons.

"Happy birthday, Mark!"

Mark, a black kid in my class who looks exactly like Chris Brown, had his birthday that day. Now, each school has their own "Birthday Ritual." Some schools will decorate their friend's lockers, but here, the birthday person's friends bring in birthday balloons, and the birthday person goes around carrying balloons all day, letting everyone know it's his/her birthday.

Mark didn't want to carry his balloons all day, so he left them in our homeroom. But, now six people were all bringing them in (about 11 balloons), saying, "We brought your balloons for you!"

Mark takes them with a laugh and starts doing stupid stuff with them (shaking, dancing, etc). And, just as Ms. Attorney walks in, his friend swats hard at one of the balloons, which sends it off its ribbon and to the ceiling. The class explodes in laughter and talking.


By now, it's already ten minutes into the class, so she escorts her homeroom class to the class that they're having now that they're late to (As the students passed the doorway, they all called out, "Happy birthday, Mark!")

She was gone for the moment.

"Yo, how am I gonna get that?" Mark says. We all start giving him suggestions, trying to find big sticks. And then he stands up on his chair, glances at the doorway, and leaps onto his desk.

Squeals from the girls sitting at his table.

He makes a mad jump for the balloon, misses, and comes crashing down onto the desks, still standing. He leaps again, grabs it, and jumps down to the floor --

-- JUST as Ms. Attorney walks into the room.



"AND I CAN'T BELIEVE MY OTHER STUDENTS WOULD BE LAUGHING AT IMMATURE BEHAVIOR LIKE THIS!" She walks over to Mark's balloons and takes them in her hand. But somehow, she missed one of the balloons. One of them was still standing in the corner, lonely.

She walks out of the room with them.

"Lydia!" Mark whispers. "Get the balloon!"

If you remember from one of my previous posts "Secret Santa Traumas" Lydia is an absolute teacher's pet, goody-goody, who hates me because I have good grades. She happened to be sitting closest to the lone balloon.

"Get the balloon!" Others whispered. "Get it!"

"No! I'm going to get in trouble!"


Peer pressured into it, Lydia quickly grabbed the ribbon of the balloon to Jimmy, the person Mark was sitting next to. Ms. Attorney walked in just in time to see Jimmy wildly pounding at the balloon to get it to stay under his desk, as it was a helium balloon.

Quiet as we hear Ms. Attorney's heels clicking slowly to her desk.

"Jimmy," she said calmly. "I want you to take that balloon to Mr. Sherman's office (our Dean)."

"Okay." He walks out.

It was quiet. Mark was giddy with himself that he still had one balloon with him, under his desk, the one he jumped on the desk for. He was snickering.

Once again, Ms. Attorney had to talk to another teacher in the hallway, so we began talking.

"Yo, how come she didn't take my balloon?" Mark asks, laughing.

"She didn't see the balloon."

"Then why'd she yell at me?"

"Cause' she saw you jumpin' off the desk. She didn't see what you er' holding."

We all had a big laugh and shut up as Ms. Attorney walked into the room. The rest of the class, as you can guess, was spent with yelling.

And we had a lunch detention the next day.

Go figure.


  1. Your English teacher sounds like she's Satan in mortal form. From what I gathered, she's pure evil. If she is in fact being possessed by Lucifer, it might just be your duty as a God-fearing woman to end her.

    Your science teacher sounds awesome, though.

    Epic story, again.

  2. Sorry that you had to go through that, makes for an amazing story. That is a pretty fun ritual also. Thanks for sharing it with us. :)

  3. Awww look at that, ehuber930 and Salenie! Mark has nice friends who remember his birthday. Good for Mark!


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