Monday, April 11, 2011

"...and after I laid out my fifth uppercut, I was just like, "Please don't make me hit you again, Mike Tyson."

There's an ice cream truck that goes around my city a lot throughout the day and even at night, especially during the spring and summer. And, since it's getting warmer, I see it more frequently.

Every time the fricking ice cream truck circles my house, I feel all wretched and dizzy inside. And I want to spit.

Why, you ask?

It all began in fourth grade...

You know my friend YN, right? (I think the closer they are to me, the more vague I make them. I think.) Every day in 4th grade, YN would stand in front of an old bus stop located on a quiet street after school. Probably waiting for someone, I guess. All I know is that she'd do it everyday.

And everyday, the ice cream truck would come rolling around, and the dude inside would give her these looks. These rugged grins, raised eyebrows, winks, and other creepy faces.


And even now, when we're older, he still comes around to grin at us. It isn't just YN anymore he does it to -- it's all of us.

For example:

Two of my other friends, one who's sixteen and the other in college were walking around when they saw the ice cream truck. They didn't know it was the creepy dude inside, so they called him for ice cream.

He slowed down next to them.

One of my friend's thought the ice cream was $1.50, but turns out it was $1.75. So she turned to her friend and asked if she could borrow a quarter.

Sleazy, ice-cream truck dude grinned at her and said, "I'll give it to you for free if you both come into the back of the truck with me. Just for fun."


My friend: "Sure!"

He smiled, and went to the back, waiting for them. In this short time, my two friends took off as fast as their feet could take them and just went into the nearest backyard and hid there until he left.

Dumbass guy. He was actually waiting there, thinking they were going to come.

He's not just a rapist. He's a stalker!

YN and her sister Jasmine were walking home one night around 9 p.m., and the ice cream truck pulled up next to them and drove idly, inching along the road to keep with their pace. I know what you're thinking: What kind of ice cream truck goes around at night?


He drove along with them for quite some time, until he saw two girls up ahead of them who looked like they just came from the beach. Quickly, he started following those two girls.

Sigh. It's a strange, strange world we live in.

The dude is a young guy in his early twenties, Hispanic. He doesn't look Mexican or anything like that though; his skin is pale. So I'd guess he's Argentinan or Spaniard or something like that.

God. He's so creepy.

The first time I actually saw him in real life was last Thursday or Friday. We were waiting for the red hand to change to the walking sign, and he drove in front of us.

My two friends next to me were rolling their eyes and groaning, "Ew, it's him."

I looked up and saw his face for the first time. He gave me chills. He was just grinning, staring at us even as he was driving away, sticking his head out the window to let us know he was watching us.

Ugh. Never buying his ice cream again.

It's really annoying nowadays. The entire day, it sounds like he circles my house, because I can never get that stupid jingle out of my head. You know, the ice cream truck song? I just want to ambush his truck and steal the music player, that's how much it irks me!

Sorry about how rant-like this post is going so far.

I got a hold of Catching Fire on Thursday and finished it on Saturday.

The ending was much, much worse than before. But, I managed to compose myself (no chucking books this time). But I assure you that for about six to seven minutes after officially finishing the book and reading the little End of Book Two, I was staring at those words with my jaw hanging.

Mr. Lucas better have Mockingjay for me by the end of this week. Man, I want that book so bad.

My weekend was...weird.

Now, I may or may not have mentioned this, but as a Muslim, we all have to learn how to read Arabic so we can read the Qur'an. I've been studying Arabic since like, first grade. I still suck at it in my opinion, but you know. Bit by bit I'll get the hang of it. Eventually. Please.

Anyway, in order to learn Arabic, my parents send my brother and me to our local mosque where they offer to teach Arabic. Pretty much every mosque does it. Believe me, I know. I've moved like, fifty times, and each time there was a local mosque I attended for Arabic studies during the weekend.

The one I currently attend is a bit annoying because it takes place both Saturday and Sunday. Which is aggravating, because I no longer get a day off for the entire week. But it works out in the end, because Arabic studies are only from 10:00 to 1:30. It's not too bad.

Why are we talking about mosque? Oh yeah! On Saturday, after classes were let out, I was standing in the front yard, laughing with some friends, when out of nowhere I see this INSANELY hot guy standing near the front fence.

I'm not exaggerating in the least bit when I say he was INSANELY hot.

My God, this kid was a looker.

But the strangest thing was that I had never seen him before. And I know everyone at mosque. It was just so different and so unsettling to see such an amazing looking guy standing right there, and I did not even know his name.

I went right to work.

Immediately, I went over to all my friends and asked if they knew him. My friend Nishi answered, "I don't know him, but dammmmn, he's cute."

After seeing that none of my female friends knew him, I tried asking my male friends, thinking I'd have better luck with them since Arabic classes at mosque are divided by gender. Perhaps Mysterious Hot Guy was a new student?

Sadly, they didn't know him, either.

Quickly becoming frantic, I began pesterring my brother Yns's friends if they knew him. Not a single person did.

Then, I was so desperate that I began asking the little kids who attend mosque, from ages 5 to 8 if they knew him. Maybe he was someone's older brother!

Slowly, painfully, sadly, I came to the heartbreaking realization that not a single person at mosque knew him.


I decided that I was going to straighten my back, be strong, be brave, and take matters into my own hand.

I pushed my friend Macy into his general direction.

"Eeshie!" she scolded. She was the one person who did not think he was cute, and therefore thought I was being stupid.

"What?" I asked innocently.

"He's a stick! What do you see in him?"

"YO. NO. He's a cute stick. See, there's a difference. And he's not that scrawny!"

She rolled her eyes. Me being shy, I pleaded, "Just go ask him his name! Please!"

She sighed. "Fine." As she started walking to him, I grabbed her back and screeched, "What are you doing?!? Don't talk to him! What are you thinking?!?"

"Well excuse me for you being bipolar!"

We exchanged a few more friendly insults, and then finally settled that I was going to talk to him. Then, we turned around, and he was gone.

Fudge. Fudge it all.

I think he was a Junior. He had an SAT book in one hand, and a sandwich in the other. All Juniors eat sandwiches, so I'm pretty sure that I've confirmed he's in the 11th grade.

I went home feeling all sad and dissapointed, but got cheered up when I stepped inside the house and saw Yns playing with our eight-year-old neighbor. Yes, I played with him too. I had an amazing time with the little munchkin. Be jealous.
So on Sunday, I went to mosque and everything, and after mosque I found my friend YN from school (We go to the same mosque, different classes).

"Yo," I said. "Are we going to that program today?"

She nodded. For the past few months, she's been trying to drag me to this "Muslim Center Youth Sisters' Weekly Social" thing at the mosque basement that her older sister Jasmine was partially in charge of (Jasmine is 20 years old, and is also my teacher at mosque. Yes, it's a creepishly small world). The name of the program was enough to throw me off. Butttt, a mixture of her pleading and my mother demanding and Jasmine's insisting finally made me go this past Sunday.

"So..." I said, looking around. "Where do we go?"

"Well, we're supposed to be watching a movie today, but I'm not sure if it's at the mosque basement or someone's house."

We went over to Jasmine to ask her about it, and she told us to go in the basement. So, we go down there expecting a bunch of girls, but instead, we see an old man on his knees gently rolling a nine-year old boy bawling his face off across the room with gentle pushes.

I am not making this up.

We just stare; YN, her younger sister Sadie, and me. We just stare, unsure of what to say (Well, they were staring. I was cracking up).

The older man looks at us, slightly embarrassed. In a rough accent, he informs us, "Classes are over."

No shit, Sherlock. They were over, like, an hour ago. I kept quiet.

Quietly, YN, Sadie, and I go back to Jasmine upstairs. She tells us a little too late that today the program will be at someone's house, because a movie is being shown.

"Thanks for letting us know," YN said dryly.

We began walking to the person's house, Jasmine leading the way, when we turned into this really fancy-looking apartment complex. This is where the person lives?

I always pass the complex on my way home, but this was the first time I'd actually been inside.

So we go inside, three hot doormen opening the doors for us who'd be the definition of Tall, Dark, and Handsome, and we see that the lobby is very nice. Some plants here, a couch there, a marble floor -- it was gorgeous.

Then we got to the elevators.

It looked liked shit. They were dingy, and small, and disgusting, and old, and it took about four minutes to get to the sixth floor.

So, we step out into the extremely narrow, dimly-lit hallway that looks like it was made for a horror film. Thankfully, we eventually reached a door that led to a sunny apartment, and were welcomed by the person in charge of the program.

By thirty minutes, all the people had arrived, and we were all lounging around on the couch and the ground, waiting for the movie to start. But of course, Jasmine forced us all to go around in a circle to introduce ourselves. We were supposed to say:

. Our name
. Our age
. Our school
. What we want to be in the future
. Favorite color
. Favorite food

We began with the two girls on my right, who had clearly just come to America. They could not understand English. Next came me. I said, "Well, my name's Eeshie, I'm ____ years old, and I go to _____. I want to be a neuropharmacist when I grow up, my favorite color is purple, I guess, and I don't have a favorite food."

Ha. My favorite color is not purple, but I was too lazy to explain that I don't have a favorite color.

Next up was YN. "My name's YN, I'm ___ years old, and I also go to ____. I want to be a nurse, my favorite color is blue, and I like ... cupcakes."

I don't know. I found that cupcakes line pretty funny.

So, the movie we watched was called Arranged. It was okay, I guess. There was one part where they were showing a really awkward Jewish man doing something, and everyone was exploding in laughter, and then I look over to my left at the foreign girls to see if they understood, and I see that they're sleeping.

They're. Sleeping!

I laughed like crazy. Like. CRAZY. And I elbowed YN and she laughed like crazy too.

It was funny when a scene came on where the word "sexy" was used. I swear, all the college girls in charge of the program flinched.

When the program was over, I was handed a little slip on the program. It made me laugh.

Sundays are so boring...Want to (halal) spice up your weekened?! Come join us at...

Muslim Youth Sisters' Weekly Social

Who: College, High, and Junior High School Sisters

What: Get-Up-And-Move Fun Exercises
Inspirational Stories
Motivational Mini-Movie Time
Kool Krafts
Educational & Interactive Discussions
Chill Session!!

Get-Up-And-Move Fun Exercises? What the hell is that? I-I don't even want to know. And I may be wrong, but I'm pretty sure they spelled "Cool" wrong.

Anyway. I may or may not be going back there. I probably will. Just saying.

Here is a video that you MUST watch.

Here's a picture of me throwing up. But not really. Actually, it's a picture of a pony:

 And here's an amazing flower picture I took. Somehow.

One day, I woke up and found the sky looking like this:

I give you a polar bear.

And now to end this post with what a drunken Eeshie feels is a flourish, here's a little recollection of some of my past great posts, just in case you missed one of my awesome posts. Yeah.

This is where I have fun with balloons. Not just any balloons. Birthday balloons.

This is where Eeshie gets to sit behind an old fart of a celebrity.

This is where Eeshie incorporates one of the best games of the WORLD into her blog.

These two posts are where you laugh endlessly.

This is my friend Salena's new blog. It shows a lot of promise.



  1. First of all, WHAT THE HECK CREEPY RAPIST STALKER PEDOPHILE ICE CREAM MAN?! That is legitimately completely terrifying. Asking little children to go to the back of his van? Really? I would report that freak. CREEPY CREEPY CREEPY. Ugh. Gross.

    Anyways. Hot guy! Scrawny stick-like guys can definitely be cute. Hopefully you will see this mystery guy again some day and find out more about him.

    Oh, my. Get-Up-And-Move? Kool Krafts with a freaking K? CHILL session? Oh, my. They are trying so terribly hard and it's quite sad... and amusing. :D

    Polar bears are so fluffy and adorable.

  2. How the hell is that ice cream man still in business? You'd think someone in the neighbourhood would have reported him by now.

    Great picture of the sky btw, I loved it.

    And I didn't mean to hang around outside your mosque, sorry...


  3. Just watched that 'Indifference' clip... it was incredible. Really got a reaction from me. Nice find, thanks for sharing.

  4. Wow. Your ice cream man is a freaking creep! Call the cops on that guy so then you won't be annoyed by that little jangle.

    You should really try to find that guy again. I was really hoping you talked to him or he showed up to your Sisters' weekly social... Nevermind. That wouldn't have made any sense haha. But find him! :D

    Hey, you're really funny. I like your blog

  5. For the first 5 microseconds, I thought your title was about Pokemon. Then I thought about Scyther. And now I'm commenting.

  6. OKAY SERIOUSLY WHY DO YOU WANT MY REVISION TO NOT START? I'm gonna have to start your Greatest Hits another day I'm afraid :P But seriously, you need to report that ice cream guy to someone. Because you guys are clever enough to know what's right but someone younger might not so he REALLY shouldn't be allowed to carry on serving to kids.
    I can never buy ice cream either, if it helps. One time my friend said something sarky about the mild innuendo on the back of our local guy's truck and I KID YOU NOT he leant out of the window and started gesticulating and yelling "You try'na start something? You got a problem!?" We fully ran's pretty funny looking back though :P anyway yeah, he's creepy and he needs to be sorted out, simples.
    And I was really hoping your hot guy would turn out to live in the apartment or something :( but never mind! Plenty more (hothothot) fish in the sea!!

    Emma x

  7. report the ice-cream man. whattay creep.
    HOT GUY OUTSIDE THE MOSQUE?! i hope you see him again! and hahaha 'Kool Krafts' hahahaha
    the flower and sky pictures were really nice!

  8. Thanks for your comment. Good luck with Mockingjay, the ending is intense. Chucking it at the wall might be your only option...
    Oh and I loved the line "all Juniors eat sandwiches" Good stuff.

  9. Your Ice Cream man sounds like my Bible teachers...

    Invest in a firearm if you really don't want any of that sweet cream. :\

  10. *shudders* i hate creepy guys like that ice cream man. i just want to kick them. :| haha.
    anyway, hot guy? tsk, too bad you didn't get to talk to him. i hope you get to see him again soon. and yes, thin guys are hot. :D

  11. Haha, that ice cream man trolled you all.

  12. I hope I never find out there is an ice cream man like that in my neighborhood. And you never mentioned exactly how well the Arabic is going now, do you think you could make your way through a Cairo marketplace with it?

  13. I don't want to buy ice cream anymore. xD


    Oh! My sister just finished mocking jay. She bought the complete set of the books. xDDDDD

    You should have talked to him. D: You might not see him again. >.<

  14. lols at the ice cream man. You should have a male figure to come out and scare him off.

    Btw, you write a lot haha

    That was quite a read xD


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