Friday, April 1, 2011

Last Time I Was At The Mall, A Lady Sprayed Me With Perfume, So I Gave Her A Shot Of Pepper Spray And Asked If She Would Like The Whole Bottle At 20% Off

Hey, gang. OH, THE PLEASURE. See, ever since I was a wee child, my dream has always been to say, "Hey, gang," in a really cool way. Well guess what?


My dream has just been accomplished.

On that note, how is everyone?  I see that most of you wished my brother a good birthday. I appreciate that, because my brother and I are super close. And he's better than tater tots. Oh yeah, I said it.

This week And then it was whoa! And then it was eh.

This week was crazy because it was the last week of the third marking period. Which meant that all the teachers were trying to get everything graded in time, some teachers threw random quizzes at us, and everyone was rushing to hand in all their overdue work and extra credit.

Even though some of our teachers told us that many of us went down this marking period, I was extremely confident with my grades. I was thinking to myself, My grades won't go down. If anything, they'll go up.

I know, I know. I'm a cocky little b!tch. But I've learned my lesson, okay?! Don't yell at me!

It all began in Spanish.

La-di-da, the day is going on normal and I'm just conjugating some verbs. All of a sudden, Senora Cifuentes says in her rough Colombian accent, "You guys did terrible on the last project. I was disgusted!"

Yeah, yeah, Senora. Whatevs, I thought.

Senora handed a project back to one group. Everyone there gasped. Next, she passed our project to one of my group mates, Angel. Angel was half-shocked and half-laughing at our grade.

"What?? What is it? Is it bad? What did we get??"

She turned the project around and I saw a big, fat, disgusting 64% on that fupping piece of $hit.

Let me repeat that. She gave us a 64%.

I felt everything crashing down around me. I began hyperventilating. I was so upset. I couldn't believe this. I literally jumped out of my seat and climbed over a few chairs to get to Angel, all the while saying, "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no...."

But it was real. We seriously got a 64%. I opened up the project and saw red marks everywhere. I think she took 18 points off at one point because we left out an accent mark!

But the most annoying thing she wrote were her comments. She wrote things like, "Follow instructions." THERE WERE NO INSTRUCTIONS. WHAT INSTRUCTIONS ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? ARE YOU HIGH?

Grr. The highest grade she gave for that was a 68%.  Wa-hoo.

*Sigh* That's one subject I won't be getting my usual high grade for this marking period.

I'm assuming math went down as well. Even though I did three extra credit projects for that dude. Ugh. Giving only one point for each extra credit would be so unfair, but I'd still take it. But giving me only one point for all three of them? No. That's unfair. So while I thought my average was going to be like 98% or something, it's just going to be a stupid 96%.


I just reread this whole post. I think I'm going insane.

But on the good side of things this week, I FINALLY got my hands on The Hunger Games! Yaaaaaay! Do you know how long I've been trying to read this book? I've been trying for a long time! And I finally, finally got it this past week from my school library.

Speaking of my school library, the librarian there is a pedophile. Yup. It's true. He's a really young, tall, attractive single guy who just can't go a day without touching a female. Well, maybe that's an exaggeration. But he can't go a day without flirting. That's for sure.

But he still touches girls. My friend Zainab practically lives at the library. She's always there. When the late bell rang, she didn't move an inch. I told her, "Come on, let's go." So Mr. Lucas (that's his name. Duh.) put his hands on her shoulders and playfully backed her out of the room. I was just standing there, eyebrows raised.

Zainab seems to like the attention. Figures. You should see how she dresses.

Anyway! On this particular week, I went to the library about eight times in one day, trying to get The Hunger Games. Apparently, Mr. Lucas told one of my friends that it should be coming later. So I went over and over, asking him, "Do you have it?" And he'd shake his head and smile and say, "Not yet."

Right at the end of the day, about three people ran over to me and reported, "The Hunger Games is in!" So I basically ran to the library (with three people on my heels) and stepped on multiple feet and got a warning from a teacher and then I finally made it to the library. All breathless, of course.

" have...The Hunger Games?"

I was speaking so breathlessly that he couldn't comprehend what I was saying. He stepped closer to me and I repeated myself. He smiled and nodded, and then he freaking grabbed my shoulders and led me to the bookshelf where they have their most popular books.

Damn, you work fast, don't you? I thought, gritting my teeth at his annoying hands on my shoulders. I mean, I just met you!

His hands didn't move. "There it is."

I quickly grabbed it and tried leaving before he could be extra friendly again, but unfortunately for me, Mr. Lucas chose this time to scold me for having a book overdue. I basically threw the overdue book on his desk and flew out of that place.


Anyhoo, here's a picture of Manhattan that I took in February.

I thought I'd put that up for those of you who've never been to New York City. Also, here's the subway. This is one of the uglier ones. There are some really classical ones that have chandeliers and everything. This is not one of them.

In the picture below, I was waiting for my train to come. I was bored, so I just took a picture for the heck of it. You can't tell, but there's a quartet of Jamaican singers singing their hearts out and banging on steel drums, and there's actually a big crowd around them putting money into their hats. It's a nice scene.

On a completely unrelated topic, I'm scared. Like, extremely scared. Remember Lydia from this post? I mentioned a little something about us being rivals, and how she absolutely hates my guts because I happen to be smart. I also mentioned a rumor that had been going around that she had some sort of list on her school laptop of competition she needs to beat by the end of this year, in terms of grades.

It's no rumor.

I saw the list with my own eyes. And I'm scared.

It happened by accident. She was doing some homework on her laptop in science, and I snuck into the room like, eight minutes late and pretended that I had been there all along. I sit next to Lydia, and she didn't know I was there.

On Mac laptops, you can put up little gadgets on your dashboard. One of her gadgets was a Sticky. You know, these?

She had about five of them up, all with lots of writing on them. The first one read:

Competition in Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff
. Elisa Gomez, Hufflepuff (103.42)
. Maryann Topaz, Ravenclaw (102.2)
. Erica Puten, Hufflepuff (101. 66)

And the list went on. She had their names, their houses, and even their averages! Right down to the decimals! I mean, come on. That's just weird. I don't even know my average to the decimals.

The next post-it was about our class. It read:

Competition in Gryffindor:
. Daniel Gonzalez (99.96)
. MH B. (102.75) - MH is one of my friends. Just reminding you
. Zoe Royce (101.68)
. Eeshie ****** (100.87) Gaining!

My jaw basically dropped when I saw my name there. The only thing I could process at that moment was, Holy crap.

And then I started laughing. "Oh, come on. I'm gaining? I'm not even there yet?" I laughed harder.

She looked at me. "Yeah, sorry."

I stopped laughing and stared at her. I don't give a $hit, just letting you know.

The next post-it was her cursing out the two people who got 99% in math. It was so...nasty. Especially since the two people who got it never talk in class, and are kind of well, taunted because they're quiet. I felt so bad. It was actually kind of sickening to see the horrible things she wrote.

Isn't she creepy??

Anyway. I was having a really bad day this week, partially because of PMS. And for those under ten, it means Pissed-At-Men Syndrome. I was all depressed and everything, until I got home around 5:30. Yns opened the door for me.

"Hey Eeshie. I split my head open and I'm going to the emergency room. How was your day?"

I looked at my brother. "What?"

"I split my head open."

"No you didn't."

"Uh, yes I did."

"You're kidding."

"No, seriously. I got a cut on my head and it was bleeding and everything."

I was silent, staring. "Then why aren't you in bed, writhing in pain?"

Now it was his turn to be silent. "Because there's cake on the table."

I laughed. Leave it to my brother to turn a painful experience into a funny one. But it really was sad, considering that it happened like, two days after his birthday. Sucks, right?

He's all right now. They had to staple his head. Ew.

Can you guys do me a favor? I feel that ever since I moved to NYC, I've been cursing way too much. I want to stop. Or at least reduce the number of times I curse. So, whenever I post something with a curse (even if it's damn) I want you guys all to start off your comment saying, "POTTYMOUTH!"


Speaking of New York City, walking home is almost always a perverted experience. Like today. I was walking home and these two gangsta-looking Hispanic dudes were coming towards me from the other direction. As usual, I fixed my gaze straight ahead.

One of the Hispanic dudes there did not know his boundaries, because he was staring right at my boobs! Like, not even trying to hide it! I'm just thinking to myself, Damn! The nerve!

I cleared my throat. The guy looked up, as if he just noticed that I had a face. Then he mumbled, "Cool shirt."

I walked away before he could finish.



  1. why am i so funny you say???? WELL I DON'T KNOWWWW x

  2. ps- thanks for stopping by my blog :)

  3. that girl sounds INSANE. i knew this one nasty ho who would go to the guidance office multiple times a week to check on her class rank. she was crazy. CRAZY. how i hate people like that.

  4. i hate professors who give you low grades seemingly just for the heck of it. :|
    also, that girl's not only crazy, but she's really creepy. grade-conscious much?
    also, wow. my brother got his head stapled a few years ago, too. he hit his head on the side of a table that had our aquarium placed on top. he didn't look like he was hurt, either.

  5. EESHIE!!! The 64 in spanish isn't the end of the world- I'm still dissapointed in you, but your REALLY smart, and at least it's not repetative- Believe me! It only brings down your grade if it's repetitive. (Not that I would know or anything!) Tell Yasha that Annette said don't cut your head open. K, bye, I guess.

  6. I hate when teachers cram everything in at the last minute, but of course they always do. AnduUgh, what is it with the world an evil Spanish teachers? At least, my eighth grade Spanish teacher was a complete bitch. :P Definitely an unfair grade. BUT OH NO, A 96% IN MATH INSTEAD OF 98%, TOO BAD. Haha, just kidding. ;) It's just that I can't even fathom getting anything close to an A in honors pre calc right now. Lame.

    I still have to read The Hunger Games too! This summer, I swear. And whoa, creepy librarian for sure... creepy stalkerish girl too. Weirdness!

    Oooh, ouch at the staples! My friend had to get staples in the back of her head once, cause her little brother threw a sharp stick at her.

    I'm jealous that you get to live in NYC and experience Times Square basically any day of the week! I guess there are the occasional perverts too, but it seems worth it :D

  7. oh by the way, i tagged you in one of those survey-like thingies. check it out on my blog. :)


    Just kidding.

    But seriously, naughty.


    I laughed at your translation of PMS, good stuff that haha. And I agree, that chick is a tad weird. And creepy. Destroy her.


    Peas out :D

  9. LOL.

    This was hilarious. Honestly. And the librarian sounds like a dream. Haha.

  10. ahaha i just did the whole "oh-its-the-end-of-third-term-testtesttestest" thing too! and if it makes you feel better about your math grade, my quiz grades are ranging from a 0 to a 111, so im not doing too hot :/

    and i seriously can't stand the super competitive people who have to beat you by like a .000000001 of a point. its like seriously? you can have it i dont care too much ... :p

  11. Francesca: If I were a nun, I'd say, “You're funny because GOD MADE YOU FUNNY.” That's true, of course. But I wouldn't say it in the creepy way that nuns say it. And you're welcome! I thoroughly enjoyed it.

    Lex: Oh she is. She is VERY insane. And whoa, this nasty person you know sounds even worse than Lydia. Which is kind of hard to imagine, but you know.

    Ishashime: Agreed. Also, those professors annoy me as well who only give a certain grade the first semester to everyone. Like my Journalism/Yearbook teacher. Even though my friend and I are AMAZING, she only gives out 90%'s. What gives?!? I so deserve a 100%!

    little miss michelle: Haha. Ha. I love this blog too. ;)

    amb104: ANNETTE! It IS the end of the world! It IS! Oh yeah, I miss you. :(

    Natalie: Evil Spanish teachers exist everywhere, even in Spain. It's a known fact. I KNOW RIGHT?!? A 96%?!?! WHAT LUDICROUS!

    You should read it! It's amazing!!

    No, not really. If I lived in Manhattan, I'd be experiencing Times Square everyday. But I don't live in Manhattan. I live in one of the other boroughs. :)

    ishashime: YAY!

    Ash: Finally! Someone who listens to instructions! You're like, the only one who reminded me to stop cursing! Thank you.

    Yeah, I'm naughty. :D One time, I didn't throw out my water bottle in the recycling bin. I'm so naughty, you might have to call the cops on me.


    Oh, you mean Pissed At Men Syndrome? Whatever else could it mean, Ash? *bats eyelashes innocently*

    I will destroy her.

    Tee hee! Peas out to you as well! (God, how I loved saying that)

    Lemons Don't Make Lemonade: Yes, he's an absolute dream. With his hot sweater vests, and his mountains of books, and his exiting eyes, and his dreamy touch...BLAH! I barfed just from saying that.

    Agent 0017: I really don't know. I hope to find out what exactly her motivation is for beating everyone is. Hmm....


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