HARLEM WIZARDS!

Omigoshes!

Yesterday was such an eventful day that!...that!......That I really don't feel like describing all of it to you all.

Hmm.

Oh, well! I'm going to try.

Soo. Since it's New York City and all, my school tries a lot to get kids to come to school. They plan fun activites which are only allowed for people with 100% attendance, and they get to miss class after lunch up to the last bell. Our last perfect attendance activity was pretty suck-ish though, which consisted of a bunch of kids cramming into our auditorium to watch an oldie ghost film. But this time...

They invited the HARLEM WIZARDS to verse our TEACHERS in an EPIC BASKETBALL GAME.

And please oh please do not ask me who the Harlem Wizards are! I'm tired of people not knowing this! Oh, fine. I can't believe you're going to make me do this. Oh, gosh. Well, here it is. The Harlem Wizards. From Wikipedia.

The Harlem Wizards is a basketball team whose history goes back to 1962 when it was created by sports promoter, Howie Davis. Unlike most basketball teams, the Harlem Wizards are not primarily focused on winning matches - instead, their aim is to entertain the crowd using a variety of basketball tricks and alley oops. They perform fundraisers at local schools for the students and the rest of the community, displaying their fancy trickery through dribbling, passing, shooting, and dunking. Through these fundraisers, they have raised millions of dollars for "charitable organizations, schools, and foundations across the world." The audience is not only there to watch the Wizards, but also to participate in the show. The Wizards get the crowd involved, often bringing children out onto the floor to be part of a basketball trick or a comedic act.^[1]
Their antics are very similar to those of the Harlem Globetrotters, who were created in 1926.^[2]
The Wizards and the Globetrotters are the only remaining show basketball teams.^[3] The theme for the Wizards' 2010-2011 campaign is the "Basketball and Beyond Tour."^[1] They hold the longest known winning streak in all of professional sports - over 2,800 games.^[3]

Hmph. Can't believe I just had to do that...

Basically, the Harlem Wizards is a basketball team consisting of super tall and black people who are not only amazing -- and I am dead serious when I say amazing -- at the game of basketball, but are hilarious and know how to entertain a crowd.

...

And did I mention they're good-looking? ... All right, we'll get back to that later.

Not only do they play basketball, but they're putting on a comedy show for us to watch.

When my school heard that the Harlem Wizards were coming, we FREAKED OUT. Everyone was trying to coax teachers into giving them tickets, begging people with perfect attendance for theirs, stealing a ticket from a classmate, or making plans to sneak into the gymnasium at sixth period. We went crazy. The Harlem Wizards are really something, so everyone was trying to find a way to get into the gymnasium at sixth period, one way or the other.

Well, I had no hope. I mean, I've had like five absences already, plus I'm always late. So I knew I'd be staying in my classroom.

But when my friend Cindy and I went to our Yearbook/Journalism class, our teacher Mrs. Reda -- an old, grandmotherly type -- called us up.

We went to her. Mrs. Reda always loved talking to us, since the smartest in the class is me, and then Cindy.

She asked us, "Are any of you attending the Harlem Wizards game verses the teachers?"

Cindy and I sadly shook our heads. "Nah, none of us got perfect attendance."

Mrs. Reda grins at us. "How would you two like to be my photographers for the event?"

Cindy's and my jaw dropped.

"Wait, seriously? Like we'll be able to go to the game, even though we don't have perfect attendance?!"

"Sure! Just tell them that you're taking pictures for Yearbook. Tell them that, and everything will be fine."

What I said in my mind: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG! THIS IS CRAZY! ABSOLUTELY CRAZY! OR AS SOME PEOPLE WOULD SAY, THIS IS "LUDICROUS!" AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! OH MY GOSHES! WOWZERS! THIS IS AWESOME! I'M SO HAPPY! TEE HEE! TEE HEE HEE TEE! WHOOOO-HOOOOOOO!

What I said out loud: "We'd love to."

So, at the end of fifth period, Cindy and I went down to Mrs. Reda's classroom, picked up two of her professional cameras, dropped our backpacks their, got a pass to the gym (just in case), and started walking there.

This Conversation Cindy and I had on the Way to the Game

Me: Oh my gosh! I can't believe we're actually going to see the Harlem Wizards!

Cindy: Oh my gosh, I know!

Me: Oh my gosh, we didn't even have perfect attendance and we still get to go!

Cindy: Oh my gosh, can't wait to see Mr. Goldburg (our homeroom teacher, also our math teacher) in shorts!

Me: *laughs* That is totally going in the Yearbook!

------Silence------

Me: Oh my gosh! I can't believe we're actually going to see the Harlem Wizards!

And it continues.

Right as we turned the bend to the gymnasium, an announcement sounded from the speakers.

Please excuse the interruption.
"If you are attending the Harlem Wizards vs. Teachers game, do not go down to the gymnasium until we call your house. Right now, only students from Ravenclaw may come down. Once again, do not go down to the gymnasium until we call your house."

Cindy and I look at each other.

"Should we go back?" I ask Cindy skeptically, eyebrows raised.

Cindy shakes her head. "We have a pass. They can't send us back."

The front of the gym, I am sorry to say, was a total mess. Students from all different houses were crowded, trying to get into the gym, while one of our fat, black assisstant principals Mr. Bernom, spread his arms and stood in front of the door to block the entrance.

It was an incredibly awkward experience to talk to a rotund man repelling kids with his stomach, but I managed to ask Mr. Bernom, "Er, excuse me?"

He cupped his hand around his ear. "WHAT???" My eyes widened as some kids bounced off that gut of his.

"MY FRIEND AND I ARE FROM YEARBOOK! CAN WE GO INTO THE GYM EARLY AND TAKE SOME PICTURES?"

"WHAT???"

"MY FRIEND AND I ARE FROM YEARBOOK! CAN WE GO INTO THE GYM EARLY AND TAKE SOME PICTURES?"

Mr. Bernom looked at me kind of weird like, Why is this girl yelling at me? Kind of in a daze, he answered, "Yeah, sure, go ahead."

Cindy and I exchange glances, as getting into the gym turned out to be a lot easier than expected. So we walk into the empty gym. A few teachers are warming up, shooting some hoops. We spy Mr. Goldburg in shorts, so I pose in a picture with him (Yeah, I would do that).

And we sit down right in the center, front row.

"So." I look around. "Now we wait."

It took a whole period before the teachers brought all the kids in, and I have to say, damn! There's a lot of people with perfect attendance! How do they do that?!

While the kids were all screaming, getting pumped up for the Harlem Wizards, Cindy and I shot a few good pictures of the teachers playing.

And then, while everyone was watching two of the teachers pretend to play rough, one of the members of the Harlem Wizards happened to step out into the court and start practicing on the other side of the court.

No one even noticed him.

When we did notice him, we were all like, "Who is this seven foot tall (noticably cute) guy shooting hoops by himself?"

It didn't take a genius to figure out he was one of the Harlem Wizards.

Soon, another one of the Harlem Wizards stepped out to practice. And then another. And another. And soon, they were all out.

And NOW IT'S TIME FOR MY GIRL READERS TO COME OUT AND JOIN ME IN THIS CELEBRATION OF THEIR LOOKS!

Okay, so these guys were not even cute. They were HOT. Like, HOTTER THAN FIRE. Imagine your crush. Now imagine him with a six-pack, being really tall, muscle-y, rugged-looking, funny, having amazing basketball skills, and HAVING THE ABILITY TO DOUGIE!

Yes, my little black friends. They all knew how to dougie. (And my white friends, I am not going on Wikipedia again. Look it up yourself!)

They were dougie-ing! How awesome can a person get?

The Harlem Wizards brought a DJ with them, and the DJ was playing little bits from songs that everyone knows such as Never Let You Go, Single Ladies, Whip My Hair, California Gurls, Bad Romance, Cha-Cha Slide, Imma Be, Swagger Like Us and a whole lot more. And when Whip My Hair came up, one of them started madly spinning his head like Willow Smith does in the music video. I swear, I don't think I have ever laughed so hard.

Scratch that. When they were dancing Beyonce's dance to Single Ladies, I was practically snorting.

Anyway, they were joking around and dancing a lot and hanging out with audience before the game started. While the DJ announced them, they came running along the bleachers and everyone tried touching them. I TOUCHED THREE OF THEM.

Yeah, I'm a creep.

The best part was that Cindy and I were treated like V.I.P. because of our cameras. Every so often, one of the players would come up for a picture, randomly in the middle of the game. I felt so helpful...*trails off with a dreamy look on her face*

Hehe.

The teachers were beaten easily. The Harlem Wizards beat them 80-something to 20-something. And that wasn't even counting how many times the Wizards let them have a shot.

Oh, Mr. Goldburg...

One of our young, black teachers were playing, and WOW all the players were flirting with her. And whaddya know -- she was flirting back. They would give her extremely easy passes saying, "Wheee!" But when the female teacher wanted to play rough, they would tease her. She would be trying to intercept the ball, and they would be too quick for her (or for anyone, at that matter). They would be lying on the ground, shaking their butts, slapping one another's butts, waving at her, blowing kisses, dancing around, and doing flips and tricks.

They. Were. Amazing.

What cracked me up was that whenever they needed a volunteer, they'd pick a black girl. Odd (not really).

For example, halfway through the game, one of the players made an announcement to his teammate. "Hey, King Arthur (his nickname)! I want you to TEACH ME HOW TO DOUGIE!"

We all started screaming and cheering as they both started dougie-ing. Some black girls were dougie-ing on the bleachers, so they called one of them down and they all dougi-ed side by side. It was...an experience.

ANYWAYS. The Harlem Wizards are awesome! And they don't only go to New York schools. They go to New Jersey, Connecticut, etc etc. Go on their website and see if they're coming to your school! This is their website, if you're interested... And girls, their pictures are included...

Mwahahaha!

WOW. This was a long post. But I'M NOT DONE.

After the show, everyone was lining up for autographs. But the thing was, Cindy and I had dropped our backpacks back in Mrs. Reda's room, so we didn't have papers or pens or anything.

And then I remembered the pass Mrs. Reda had written us. We tore it in half and got autographs! Cindy and I got autographs! I got three of their autographs (a cute short guy, a cute tall guy, and an ugly tall guy). And I got a picture with my FAVORITE ONE! (The cute tall guy). I look so short, though. Similar to that of a midget. It's pretty sad...

Well then. I guess I shall go now. Ya'll better comment...