Saturday, March 5, 2011

Ode to the Nice Guys

This rant was written for the Wharton Undergraduate Journal
-Written by Fu-zu Jen, SEAS/WH, 2003

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and b!tching about what a$$holes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/gorgeous their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative b!tches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to kiss this complete a$$ now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.


  1. This is definitely Lloyd Dobler.

    I really liked this post. I'm not going to necessarily say I'm one of these guys, but I've found that considering girls complain so often about guys who date hot girls rather than nice girls, I've found that often times girls seem very fond of dating jerks.

    Ode to the Nice Guys. This was cool.

  2. This was fab. Nice guys are incessantly undervalued.

  3. I agree with That Blond Guy - guys should date nice girls instead of hot girls, and girls should value nice guys over jerks. It's saddening to see it work the other way...

    It is nice for Nice Guys to get some recognition, though!

  4. I really like this post, it rings true in pretty much every way. Kudos.

  5. I. Love. This.
    And I so agree. Most of the girls I know say they want that nice guy, but then they go for the jerks. I don't get it.

  6. Best post I've read it a while :D

  7. I so loved this one. I can so relate. I just got back from Cedar Rapids the movie. I think you'd like it. Thanks so much for the note.

  8. Hey girl! Thanks for stopping by our blog! How awesome is the blog name?! hehehe! I'll be a follower for sure, your underline in your title one me over...I sing random lady gaga songs as well as ke$ha songs!

    Tiffany over at Chunky Dunk to Skinny Dip

  9. I also wanted to say that I am married to one of these guys! It's a funny story, we were kind of the "nice girl/guy" to each other, we'd call and complain and vent about the people we were seeing until we gave up and got together!

  10. Ah, thank you very much for your extensive complement, it was very sweet!

    I would say that the reason girls don't date nice guys is because they are:

    b)have low self-esteem
    c)need danger to feel alive
    d)have no idea how to function in functional relationships
    e)all of the above and more

    That's just my personal thought though...

  11. i read two lines of your blog post and i immediately had to follow! love it! =D

  12. Thanks for commenting! my laptop's batteries are running out so I gotte comment tmr! I followed you so i'll remember, haha.

    I read a bit about nice guys.. you know what? I think they're alwasy either taken or pining for some sweet and nice girl who i have no reason to hate. :(

  13. All I can say is AH I LOVE THIS POST. I don't know why. It just made me happy. Lalal yay.

    My theory is that all guys are "nice guys." It's just a secret. Shhh.

  14. My husband was one of those nice guys :)
    Its amazing the drama that is caused by stealing one away from the girls who took him for granted.
    haha mine now! :P


  15. Love this!

    xoxo ~ Courtney

  16. Beeeeeeeep indeed :)

    Long post = good post especially today.

    All good.

  17. Ellllllllo there! Thanks for stopping my the blog. :)

    I really like this. I too got my hands on one of those Nice Guys, and inherited a whole bunch o'drama from the ex's. Meh. He's totally worth it. :D

  18. Eeshie, why do you have so many comments? I don't like you anymore.

  19. I only have one such 'nice' male friend. Sniff sniff. Or maybe I don't get along with the rest that well?

    Liked the post. Keep posting more.

  20. Nice blog!
    Follow me? I'd be very happy if you do it!
    Thank you so much!

  21. where can I find this 'nice' guy?? =[

  22. Thanks for the lovely comment! Let's follow :)

    Thanks for the fantastic post, I read from start to finish! ahhh it hits so close to home! Although I'm a girl, I guess I have a lot of trouble finding "nice guys" - after all, a lot of nice guys turn into jerks when they realize that, like said above, the game favors those who cheat.

    Nevertheless, I will continue to be a "nice girl" :P

  23. Thanks for finding and commenting on my blog. I think I answered your questions... an MPH is a masters in public health. It's not an MA (master of arts) so it's a very practicum-oriented degree... have a great day!

  24. That Blond Guy: Who?
    Yeah, girls are weird. Plus they have cooties. And of course this was cool. It's on my blog, isn't it?

    Emmmaaa: First of all, I had to rewrite your name 3-5 times because I couldn't get the number of “m”'s and “a”'s right. Second, I totally agree with you! I've always felt kind of sympathetic for nice guys like this, and I'm just really lucky to have found this ode to the nice guys thing.

    Boyd: It's not just saddening – it's confusing! How did it become like this? What has happened to the human population out there?!

    Shenge: Tanksh!!! *imagine a pudgy eight-year old with freckles, pigtails, and braces saying that*

    Jen in the Purple Pants: I. Love. This. Too.
    Yeah, as I told Boyd, the human population is pretty much doomed, as they don't seem to know what they even want.
    ..Oh well!

    Hannah Marie: In a while?! What, so my other posts were bad?! *Laughs* Just kidding. Thanks for the compliment!

    a book of short stories: Ceder Rapids, eh? Hmm...*puts on her thinky face* I'll check it out. And no problem!

    Blah661blah: I love you, too.

    Tiffany: It's an amazing blog name! I can't imagine a better one!

    Just Anchored: Aw, that's actually kind of sweet. :) Glad it worked out for you. Hopefully, it'll work out for all of us when the time comes. Yikes.

    Tai: Don't forget --
    f) Are just plain stupid
    Yours make sense too. :)

    Pushkin: Aw, thanks! It means a lot.

    Little Miss Big Nose: Hm, perhaps you're right. And thanks for following :)

    Kassandrah: :DD
    Beat you.

    Lexy @ Quirky Explosion: Maybe your theory is right. Hm. Maybe all guys are nice guys on the inside. I actually never thought about it that way...YOU'VE ENLIGHTENED ME!

    NARDVILE: Aw....Lol! “Mine now!” made me laugh.

    Courtney Erin: Aw, shucks...:)

    jonas wunderman: Yup. Beeeeeeeep is pretty awesome.
    Aw, thanks :) Actually, my posts are usually a lot longer. I think...

    Sunny Dee: Yeah, you should keep him to yourself. Lol.

    That Blond Guy: I still love you!

    AcetylCholine: You never know. Maybe you'll meet a new nice guy in the most unexpected of places. Like your church/mosque/temple/other holy place. Or a classroom. Or the pizza store. Or on your couch.

    Veronica: I'll make sure to look at your blog :)

    Sidrah: *Sigh* I know, right?

    Binny: You're welcome! Yeah, I understand the trouble. I guess the key to finding the right guy is to be really, really cautious. I think.

    Tauqeer: Well that's good. Don't change!

    désespérée de maigrir: My God, I had to copy and paste your screen name. :D
    Ohhhhhhhhhh THAT's what is is! Ohhhhhhhhhh.....

  25. This Is SO Freakin' True! I have a *close-ish* guy friend(my best friends best friend) so we hang out alot. And he does all of this! And you are right he doesnt have a gf so thats proof!

  26. Okay, so here's the kicker. This is NOT A NICE GUY! He calls (some) women "illogical, manipulative b!tches". That sounds like someone who spends a lot of time trying to be nice so he can cry about how much of a victim he is when girls don't want to bang him. These "nice guys" get put on the back burner because they spend so much time being doormats, they are not their true selves around women. And then they end up hating women and saying awful things about them. Imagine the women that this guy is counseling reading this article. They would think he's an asshat and still not want to sleep with him. Grow the fuck up. Seriously. You don't want to be with with women who date douche-bags anyway, do you? Maybe this guy is aiming too high, trying to hook up with shallow, traditionally hot girls who are out of his league. And what does he want a fucking medal for not taking advantage of drunk women? Nice guys like this represent everything that is wrong with this damn society


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